Fate
by filesfreak4life
Summary: "You believe in fate?" "I guess it brought us together in the first place... sort of." "Well it can keep us together forever."... this is how we left our pair, but what happens later. What happens when our fairytale duo realizes that starting their relationship isn't all roses? Post JAG Harm and Mac fic about love and all that goes with it.
1. You Believe in Fate?

**Author's Note:**

**All right, this is a fic that is in response to a new friend's idea for a post JAG fic. I am all about roses and fluff, but she was right in saying that we don't have the real people angst anymore. So, as tempting as it might be to gloss over the hard stuff, I'm bound and determined to write this without the easy copouts. I hope you enjoy it and stick with me on the Mac and Harm rollercoaster. Review if you would like. I know this may be different from my other stuff, but I want to try the real and not the fluff for once. This first chapter is a bit fluffy, but be prepared!**

"You believe in fate?" he asks.

"Well it put us together… sort of." She replies with a questioning glance, not knowing exactly where he was going with this line of questioning.

"Fate could keep us together forever."

When he declares it, the looks that exchange between the two of them are typical Harm and Mac. She questions him and he raises his eyebrows in answer like a whole conversation had passed between them. It almost doesn't matter when he leans in to kiss her again, as they wrap their arms around each other for the first time in a long time.

"Wait…" she says, pulling away from the kiss, still breathing heavily.

"We've waited long enough, don't you think?" he says, trying to lean back in to finish what they had started.

"No, what did you mean by that?"

"We flip a coin."

"Flip a coin?" she says, cocking her eyebrow and looking at him in disbelief.

"We get Bud to bring the Admiral's JAG coin to the bar and we decide from there."

"Harm, we can't flip a coin to decide our future."

"The way I see it, we've had all these 50/50 chances our whole life and that's really what life is anyways, so why don't we take the choice out of it." He says, standing up from the stool and pacing around the counter in front of her.

"What's the 50/50?"

"San Diego or London."

"Don't you think that's pushing it a bit? Harm, we don't know what we want out of all this… we can't just up and throw away one of our careers."

"What we want? Mac I want you… I want to marry you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I've known that for a long time now."

"But you've only just let me in on this revelation. You propose and now we're deciding who's going to give up their career so we can be with each other."

"You were the one with the Freudian slip comment."

"I know, but maybe…" she starts, but is interrupted by his next question.

"Answer this… did you love Mic Brumby?"

"Harm…"

"No, answer it Mac."

"Looking back? No, I didn't."

"What about Webb?"

"Webb was a misguided… I don't know what."

"John Farrow?"

"No. I thought I did."

"What about me? Do you love me, Sarah?"

"Yes. I love you."

"That's the difference Mac. You could never give a straight yes or no answer when I asked you about any of those men… You still can't! You cast it off and made it out at the time like it was supposed to be obvious that you did love them. This was the first time that I ask and you gave me a flat answer."

"Because I do."

"Why the difference?"

"I don't know… I just… with you there is something else there. I've loved you for a long time and couldn't ever place my finger on why, but it just was."

"But you aren't willing to put it all on the line to have us? Flip a coin to decide the rest of our lives? Mac, I would say that maybe you're the one who can't let go." He says with finality, wagging his finger in her direction as he moves towards another box to tape.

"That's not fair. I'm the one who showed up tonight, you know. You didn't come knocking on my door."

"Honestly… I wouldn't have made it in London without this conversation. I would have lasted a few weeks at most before I jumped ship and came running back to you."

She contemplates this as she watches him tape another box and label it for the movers. She didn't know if she would have made it much longer in San Diego without him either. That is what made her decision.

"Okay…" she says, coming to stand next to him and placing her arms around his neck.

"Okay?"

"We flip a coin."

"I knew you'd come around, Mac." He says with a smile before leaning down to kiss her again.

With little furniture and more wits than they both wish they had, they agreed that they needed to meet up with those that mattered and decide their fate before moving forward with anything. The coin toss would have to come with the JAG coin, and it needed to happen soon.

"Do you want to call Bud, or should I?" Mac says, laughing as they sit next to each other on the floor with their backs up against the island.

"Why don't you call… that way you can listen to Harriet scream into the phone."

"And the plan?"

"McMurphy's in an hour?"

"I need more time than that… make it two?"

"You're beautiful the way you are." He says and she realizes for the first time that when he says something like that, he really means it.

"Thank you, but since this is our informal engagement party, I think we should look the part Captain Rabb."

"All right, two hours."

"I'll see you there." She says, leaning in to kiss him once before getting up to leave.

"Hey Mac?"

"Yeah?" she turns back to face him.

"Are we getting married?"

"We'll see…" she says with a smile.

"I love you." He replies, and braces himself for her flying back in the door to kiss him with even more fervor than their first meeting. It was uncharacteristic of her to do such a thing, but the night was proving to be more than either bargained for.

"I will never get sick of hearing you say that."

"I won't ever get sick of saying it."

"Good."

"You've got to get going, call Bud and Harriet. I'll call Turner and Coates… maybe see if she can get the General out."

"I love you too."

With a final kiss and a glance back she walks out of the apartment and down to her car, thinking the entire time about what just transpired.

When she calls Bud after getting home, she realizes that all of their friends had really just been waiting for the call. Why did it take the two of them so long to come to terms with something that everyone else saw on a regular basis? Harriet screamed and asked for all the details, which she realized were not in any way a typical engagement story, and told them to be at the bar in a few hours with Bud's JAG coin. She didn't tell the reason for the coin, but they would have dropped anything to be there for this anyway.

Later that evening when the coin landed in her favor, she didn't know what to do. Her own command would be amazing, but the Navy was all he had his whole life, and she couldn't really ask him to give that up. Even with a smile on his face, she knew that he was holding in what he really felt.

"San Diego it is!" he calls out and pulls her in for another kiss.

"Then I guess I should be asking about coming with you then Colonel." Coates says with a cautious look to Harm before asking. She knew too that this would be a hard thing for him to give up.

"ummm… you know what? Wait a minute and enjoy your drinks while I talk to my future husband for a minute." Mac says after thinking for a moment about Coates wanting to come with her to San Diego.

She grabs him by the arm and leads him outside before he even knows what's happening.

"Mac. We should be inside celebrating!" he says, gesturing back inside.

"I'll go to London." She replies quietly, but seemingly with no regret.

"Mac, no… we agreed."

"We agreed that it would decide it for us."

"And it did, and we're going to San Diego."

"No… we're not. I won the toss, so I get to choose where we go. We go to London."

"What if I told you that I didn't want to go to London?" he says, causing her jaw to drop. This was something she didn't see coming.

"You _want_ to retire?"

"No, I don't want to retire. I just don't want a position like that. It's too far away from home and it's not what I can see myself doing for a long period of time. "

"Well what do you see yourself doing?"

"I don't know, but I do know that I don't want to be in charge of the entire European group of JAGs halfway around the world. It's a great opportunity, but given the circumstances, I would rather stay in the states and be with you than go off to London for that."

"I don't think that you have a choice in the matter. It's probably one of just a few O-6 spots opened in the world right now."

"And you have another."

"Mine's not an O-6 though, Harm."

"It will be soon enough. I know that you can do great things with a Command, Mac… so I do think we should go to San Diego."

She looks at him for a moment, thinking about his dedication to all things. His dedication to the Navy and to what it stood for was something that she admired about him. She didn't have that. Yes, she was proud to be a Marine and to serve her country, but she didn't need it like he did.

"Hold on." She says, telling him to stay there while she ran inside for something that he wasn't expecting.

A few minutes later, the General is standing in front of him outside, "The Colonel tells me that we need to figure out a few things."

"Are there any other O-6 positions available state-side that he could be transferred to?" Mac asks.

"None near San Diego, if that's what you're getting at."

"No, I'm going to be the one to resign, General. That has been decided, but we both agree that London isn't what we want."

"Before we talk about the Captain, I want you to know that you are on your way to becoming a full bird Colonel. That position will be one that gains an O-6 fairly quickly. You are an outstanding Marine, and you do have a future in the Corps."

"While I appreciate that, sir… if going to San Diego means I lose Harm, I don't want it. You find me a job with him and I'll go proudly and serve my country. Right now, I'm choosing to bow out gracefully."

"It will be a loss, Colonel."

"For me as well sir, but for once I'm going with what my heart really wants."

He regards her for a moment, knowing from the Admiral's brief talks that the two of them were a long time coming. He read the files and the reports surrounding the pair and their different adventures. It made sense that the two of them would finally open their eyes and realize that they were meant to be with each other. It was a loss to the Marines though.

After thinking, he turns to Harm, "Now… thinking about you Captain Rabb, how do you feel about greenies?"

"Sir?"

"I know that there is a spot over at Great Lakes opening up. Overseeing the training of new recruits. It's a base with a lot of young men. You would be one of just a few higher ranked officers on the base, but it's stateside. Really, you'd be working with some high rank enlisted men to get the newbies ready for the Navy."

"What about the lawyer side of things, General?"

"Your experiences at JAG and otherwise will prove to be quite important for these younger men. Someone with your experience might also be an asset to have in the Midwest in case anything came up as well. I'm sure that the government would appreciate having someone of your caliber out there rather than having us send someone from here out to investigate something."

"You think that you could get him that position?" Mac asks, knowing that Harm would be good in a position like that, commanding young Navy men and still getting to see some legal action on the side.

"I could make a call, but I need to know for sure what both of you are planning on doing by 0500 tomorrow. You don't have long until your stuff is supposed to be headed around the world and across the continent." He says, putting his hands in his pockets and turning back into the bar.

"What do you think?" She asks.

"I don't know, Mac. This is a big decision."

"One that I might add, you wanted to decide solely by coin flip. I've made peace with resigning my commission, and here is your other option, but we have to act on it."

"You would be okay with moving to the Midwest and me overseeing new recruits? You want to give up the Corps?"

"I don't want to, but I don't want you to give up your Navy career."

"Then again, we're back at the beginning."

"No, we aren't…. Harm, I may not want to go out, but I've done my duty. I have had a great military career and I feel good about what I have done. Could I do more? Yes. Would I be okay with bowing out at the top of my game? Certainly. Now what about you?"

"I've never been in a position like that… helping with the training of new recruits."

"You did a great job helping Bud when he was new around JAG. I think you'll be great out there. The majority of it would be you teaching the teachers really. I don't know how much you'd interact with the younger enlisted men. Maybe you would though, knowing you."

"You really think so?"

"I do. So?"

"We're moving to Illinois and you're quitting the Marines?"

"Sounds perfect." She says, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

"Let's go talk to the General."


	2. Jumping In

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, I'm hoping that some are enjoying this one. I know that it isn't my typical fic because there is going to be angst that you haven't seen before, but go with me on it, and I think you might enjoy it. These two have lots of baggage and lots of issues they need to get through to make things work... so let them get through it! Enjoy and review if you would like...**

Okay, maybe not perfect.

"I don't understand why we can't get my things moved at the same time. They are technically _our_ things."

"I understand that, but my orders are going to be taken out of your computer in a matter of days anyways. I'm telling you that we are going to be at Great Lakes Naval Base."

"Yes, I know that there aren't any Marine detachments there, but my fiancé is going to be there, so I'm going to be there."

"No we are not married yet."

"You've got to be kidding me!" she finally screams in frustration and disconnects the call.

Harm is watching this from across the room and finally steps in to see what exactly the call entailed as she throws the phone onto the couch and it bounces onto the floor.

"So?" he asks, inching his way into the room.

"While your change of orders was processed and they are ready to go, mine are not. This means that movers are coming to my place Monday to move my things to San Diego."

"But you're not going to San Diego." He says with a smile on his face and then immediately frowns at her glare.

"I'm well aware of that, and I tried to explain to them that I was going with you to Great Lakes. They don't seem to understand that."

"You turned in papers to General Creswell and he said that he was going to take care of things this morning. It shouldn't be a problem."

"Agreed. And then when I said that you were my fiancé, he then informs me that unless we are married, the Navy isn't going to ship my things with your things once they know I've resigned."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Harm, I have all my stuff in boxes, sitting in my apartment ready to move somewhere. Varese is coming by the end of next week to move in to my apartment and you are shipping off on Wednesday. Where exactly does that leave me?"

Clearly Mac's frustration level had peaked, and he was not used to this reaction. She doesn't lose her cool like this, and he realizes then that maybe he needs to try to clear up things on his end to make this work.

"Mac… Sarah, calm down." He says, grabbing on to her shoulders and rubbing up and down in a comforting gesture. "We will get this all figured out."

"How?"

"I'm going to call right now." He says picking up the abused phone from the floor where she had dropped it after her call.

After a few minutes of automated menus, he finally reaches who he needs to talk to.

"Yes, this is Captain Harmon Rabb. I understand that you are moving my things to Great Lakes and are coming to pick up on Tuesday?"

"That's great, but I have a situation here. My fiancé is in the Marine Corps and her orders have been cancelled as she has resigned her commission as of this morning, and her things need to go with my things to Great Lakes. Who do we have to talk to for that to happen?"

"I was unaware of that policy. I thought that they would ship out one last time."

"Is there anything that we can do in the next forty eight hours to make this happen?"

"Get married… okay, How about this? You put the order through to have Colonel Sarah MacKenzie's items shipped with mine, and we will take care of the rest." He says, disconnecting the call and looking up to see a shocked Marine staring at him.

"What did you just do?" she asks in disbelief.

"I got them to get your stuff shipped with mine?" he replies in more of a question than a statement.

"By agreeing to do what?"

"Get married."

"Harm!"

"Well, we were going to get married anyway… why not tomorrow?" he says with a bit of a laugh that was clearly the wrong thing to do in the moment.

"You have got to be kidding me."

With that, she walks out of his apartment, taking her jacket and keys with her. Clearly she wasn't as excited as he was for this development.

Two hours later, the knock on his door causes him to nearly sprint to answer.

"Mac, I'm sorry." He says, flinging it open to see Sturgis instead of the woman he loves.

"You should be saying that to me, you know…"

"Why?" Harm says with a squint of his eyes.

"I'm not ready for a roommate, and your fiancé just called my girlfriend to tell her that she won't be able to move in at all. Apparently Mac is staying in Washington?"

"No she's not…" he says, grabbing his coat and leaving Sturgis standing at his open door in search of Sarah MacKenzie.

When he shows up at the door, she knows that it's him. She knows that he's there to talk and make things better. She just doesn't know what that means for her.

"Mac… I want you with me… I'm sorry." He says when she cracks her door open.

When she gestures for him to come in, he puts his head down in a sheepish way and enters the apartment.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea." She says quietly as she shuts the door.

"What isn't a good idea?"

Sitting down on the couch and waiting for him to sit across from her, she says something that he wasn't expecting to hear, "You and me… us. Harm, maybe there really is a reason why we've spent the last nine years not being with each other."

"Mac, how can you say that?"

"This is just all happening too fast, Harm. Think about this… if that deadline hadn't popped up. If the General hadn't told us that we would be halfway around the world from each other, would this have happened?"

"Eventually… God I hope so."

"Harm, you and I don't act like this! My stupid comment and then you propose? We haven't even gone on a date! We… don't do matters of the heart impulsively… we stuff them down until one of us does something stupid and the other has to pick up the pieces of it. And a coin flip to decide who is going to resign? What were we thinking with all that? It makes no sense whatsoever!"

"It makes perfect sense to me." He says simply, shaking his head that she could think all this after all these years.

"Why?"

He wipes over his face with his hands, trying to collect himself as he stands to pace the living room in a nervous gesture that didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Because it was fate, Mac. It was fate that you came into my life, because there have been a number of things these past nine years that I wouldn't have made it through without you, Sarah. You walked into my life this reminder of someone that I knew and loved and turned into this person, this beautiful woman that I couldn't live without. You have been with me every step of the way, and even though the two of us tried to be with other people, we always gravitated toward each other. You have always been the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning… just thinking about what you were doing in that moment. This is a mess of a situation, and I get that. I get that we have not gone about this in any remotely conventional way, but since when have you and I stuck to anything conventional? We're best when we're going at it on the fly, Mac, and I don't think this is going to be any different."

"Before people get married, Harm… before they get engaged, they sit down and they talk about things… they talk about the future and about what they want—"

"God, Mac! We've done that! A great career, a good man, and loads of comfortable shoes. That's what you said you want."

"There's more than that, Harm."

"I know… you want a family." He says and puts a hand up to stop her from commenting on the statement. "and I don't know and I don't care what that family is to you… whether it is just you and me or we decide to try for a baby or adopt or foster… you will have that family in me. You want someone who loves you like I love you, but you want so badly to love them back just as much, which I know is why you and Brumby didn't walk down the aisle. I feel how much you love me… I feel it in the way you look at me, in the way we kiss, and in the way you know me. I've never had that before, and I _know_ you haven't either. You want a life that you love and that you share with someone else. I don't think I've ever wanted to have that with someone. That's why this is going to work."

What can you say to that? He laid it all out on the line for her to see and he was right. He was right about all of it, and she didn't know how to respond.

It was finally all out in the open and the fear crept up and out of her as she formulated her response, "I don't want to lose this, Harm. I don't want to lose this feeling I have now, really knowing that you love me the way that I've needed. I'm just so worried that we don't have our footing and it's all going to slip out from under us."

"It might. Hell, Mac… it has before, and we're still here."

She just stares at him awhile, wondering how this was going to work, wondering if she could finally trust him after years of dancing around the whole idea.

"I wish there was just some way to know that this was going to work. Some way to know that everything was going to be perfect down the line."

"Mac, nothing about either of us is perfect, so it just won't be… but it will be us."

"I'm scared of all of it."

"Why?"

"The stability of it all… or maybe the instability. I'm not going to have anything when we get there. I won't have a job or friends or anything to stick to. But then I'm going to have you… here always and that's just not something that I'm used to."

"Aside from my flying stint, when have we been away from each other, Mac?"

"That's not what I mean. I mean being together in the day to day… our lives. We were always with each other for work, and occasionally together as friends, but never like what we are proposing to do now."

"And if we don't try it… knowing how much we love each other, we aren't going to be able to live with ourselves."

"And that's why I got mad at you. You just told some guy that we were going to get married in the next 48 hours and I don't want that."

"You don't want to get married?" he says, his brow furrowing.

"I do, but I liked this idea of the engagement. It wasn't something that was final. We could take some time to get into all the things that we need to before actually getting married. We could get used to each other."

"Like a trial period, you mean?"

"Does that make sense?"

"It does in a way, but I feel like you and I have been so much to each other that I don't need a trial period with you, Mac. I know that you are the one that I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life. I'm sorry that you doubt it."

"I don't doubt that I love you and that I want to be with you. I just doubt the circumstances. If we were going to work out, then why did it take so long?"

"Sarah… maybe everything… everything that has happened to us before now… it has led us to this moment. We had to get through all of that to get here."

"So what do we do now?" she asks, throwing her hands up in question.

"We move all your boxes over to my place, make sure they are labeled with my name and act like they're mine."

"That's going to take hours…"

"I'll call Sturgis… I'm sure that he will be more than willing to help. You're leaving a lot of your furniture anyway, so it won't be as bad as you think. I don't have that much stuff anyways, so it will be easily believed."

"And when the movers show up on Monday to my place?"

"Tell them that a group already came to take care of it. You know how horrible Navy shipping is. I'll be lucky to see this stuff within a month in Illinois. That's why they say to pack at least that much stuff to last you in case they lose something in transit or it takes a while to get the container. They won't know that someone didn't really come."

"And what about getting married?"

"Tomorrow, you and I are going ring shopping because I want to put a ring on that finger so you understand that this is final. There aren't any legal documents, but I want the world and you to know that I want you to be my wife more than I think I've ever wanted anything. Then we are going to get settled at Great Lakes and we go from there."

"And that's okay with you?"

"Mac… it means that I get you, so I'm more than okay." He says, taking her hand in his as he kneels down at her feet while she sits on the couch.

"This isn't going to be easy, is it?"

"No… but I never thought that it would be easy. Loving you… easiest thing I ever started doing. It's all the other stuff that goes with that love that I think is hard."

"You mean like actually telling me that you're in love with me."

"Hey, Marine, you didn't open your mouth once." He counters.

"Oh sure, Mr. 'did you know they wrote eternity on this bridge'… I put myself out there and you rejected me."

"And you turned around and got engaged to Brumby…"

"And you kissed me at my engagement party!"

"But you called it off and ran anyways… I had to chase you to the middle of the ocean."

She stops to think then, hearing them go back and forth with their tales of woe with the other. This was the most complicated relationship she's ever been in. At the same time, it made them into what they are today.

"We really are a mess, aren't we?" she finally says.

"Would you take it all back if you could?"

"None of it." She says, shaking her head.

"All right, then let's call Sturgis."

Hours later, and well into the evening, Mac is laying down in her bed and Harm plops down next to her and lets out a long sigh. Harm's apartment was full of boxes and his bed was boxed up. He was originally going to stay in a hotel but Mac had suggested that they just spend the few nights here instead, since her bed was something that was staying for Varese.

"I'm exhausted." She says, moving herself under the covers and turning to sleep.

When she turns, he wraps his arms around her middle, and they lay there for awhile until Harm asks if she is still awake. He could feel her tense underneath his arms, but couldn't see why.

"You know me…"

"Insomnia?" He asks, squeezing her a bit tighter.

"That's part of it."

"The other part?"

"You and me in a bed together." She says, turning so she can face him.

"We've slept together before, Mac." He scoffs.

"No, actually we haven't. The one time that we started to sleep in the same bed was in Paraguay and we got interrupted by Webb and then by our own stupidity."

"Oh, yes, I remember that first interruption well, as I believe we were about to kiss… something like this." he replies, letting his lips fall to hers in a natural gesture.

After a good long while, she lets out a sigh and a whimper that tells him that he's doing exactly what he should be, but her words that follow, stop him. "Harm, should we be doing this?"

"Hmm?" he says, lifting his lips from her neck and wondering why they would consider stopping at this point.

"I'm just… we just talked about how everything has gone so fast between the two of us and this, and I don't know that we should… um…"

"Mac, if you can't say it, or you're even questioning it, we shouldn't do it." He says, turning to lay on his back with an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry. It's not like I'm the blushing virgin, but you and me… we've just waited so long, and…"

"You want it to be perfect?"

"I wouldn't say perfect, but I guess I just don't want it to be after we've been disgusting and sweaty and moving after a really stressful day. I want us to be settled and… ready." She says, turning to face him and propping her head up on her elbow much like that night in Paraguay.

He looks over to her and realized that she may be right about it all, but then thinks about his current situation. "Well, then I'm going to take a cold shower… and I'll be back."

She looks at his retreating back and wonders if she should call him back to her. In the end, she decides that they don't need rushed and tired, they need an entire charged evening for each other. As she thinks about what that evening would entail, her whole body flushes, and she's not aware when he comes back into the room.

"Mac? You okay?" he says, laying back in the bed and turning to her with concern, "You look flushed."

"Hmm? Oh… yeah, I'm fine… I'm just…" and with that she kisses him in a way that lets him know exactly what she had been thinking about. "I want you to know that I want it just as bad as you, but the timing should be better than this."

"After 'cooling off', I agree with you."

"You do?"

"I do… but I was thinking about the fact that we are putting a lot of pressure on each other with these expectations we have."

"What do you mean?"

"Our first night together, buying our first place together, all this big stuff that we already have made in our heads."

"Can I be totally honest with you?"

"I hope." He says, opening his arms for her to lean in and lay her head on his chest while they talk for the rest of the evening.

"Okay… the perfect example is this. I feel so at home right here in your arms. It's perfect and I know that I'm meant to be here, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop or I'm waiting for someone to come along and tell us that we need to break it off."

"Why?"

"Because that has always been there. It's like I told you that night before we got orders changed and you proposed. There is always something… work, searching for your father, another woman… I know that those things are past, but when you've had them working against you for nine years, you get used to not being able to accomplish much."

"Well, we're going to have to deal with that then, and get through the fact that we are finally here. It's a good feeling, don't you think?"

"It is… I'm just worried."

Fears put out there, the pair settle in for the evening, and surprisingly in Mac's case they have a peaceful slumber.


	3. Having Normal

**Author's Note:**

**It has been funny to hear what people have had to say about this fic because it isn't normally my style. I like the Harm/Mac relationship tied up all pretty with a tiffanys blue box and a bow, but this challenge posed to me has been soooo much fun to write. The pay off will happen, but like in real life, we have to get through all the craziness with little payoffs to reap the true rewards! Enjoy this installment, and review if you would like!**

In the morning, he wakes first, taking some time to just watch her sleep. Her hair is in her face and there are a few stray wisps of it that move with her breath. Her breath is slow and steady and he watches her eyes flutter in dreaming under her lids. The soft curve of her shoulder peeks out at him from under the covers and he leans to place a kiss just there before leaning in to memorize the scent of her hair under his nose. She was finally going to be his… and forever. This was a realization that he had still not made until this morning when he woke with her in his arms. They were going to actually get married, live together, be with each other… all these things that he had wanted for years but never knew could happen.

When she wakes up, she lets out a long yawn as she stretches out against him, almost pulling back when she notices that there is a body pressed against hers.

"Long night?" he asks from his vantage point above her head.

She looks up with a smile and relaxes again as she leans up to place a small kiss on his chin, "a good night actually… I don't think that I've slept like that in a long time."

"I didn't crowd you in your sleep?" he asks with a laugh as he still has his arms wrapped around her.

"It was perfect…"

"So, let's talk about the plan of the day. I say we get up and go for a run before some breakfast. Then we can run to the jeweler that I want to take you too and I can show you the ring I picked out, and maybe we can go to my –"

"You already picked a ring out?" she asks, arching her neck up to look at him.

He flushes instantly, "No… I ummm… yes, but I don't know if they still have it."

"When did you pick this ring out?" she asks with a raised brow in his direction.

"After the Dining Out."

"After I told you I couldn't be with you?"

"We've told each other that before Mac, and look where we are now. This time, I really was ready, and I felt like I've been the one who's been putting the most brakes on all these years."

"So you thought it would just be a matter of time then, huh?"

"I hoped that we would be on the same page in the near future."

"Hmm… go on with our day…" she says, leaning back down to rest her head on his chest again.

"Then I thought that we could go to my friend. He's a realtor and I know that he's got connections around the country. We can look into houses near the base and maybe he can find somewhere for us to rent until we find something that we really like."

"What about staying on base?"

"We could do that, but since we aren't married, you won't have any of the privileges. You would be considered a visitor."

"I've been thinking about that, and I think I'm going to call the General this morning. I'm wondering if he already put my paperwork in or not. If he hasn't, I have leave on the books, and I know I can only take 30 at a time, but what if I took them starting now? Then I'd still be in the military and we can sort everything out until then. After I 'came back' we could put my papers in."

"We'll be in the same situation in 30 days then."

"But we'll at least be able to take that time to look for a place off base that we both like, and maybe we'll be closer to thinking about getting married." She says, trailing off at the last part.

"So 48 hours is too short, but maybe 30 days might work?"

"It might."

"You see if it's possible while I take a shower. Then we can still at least go to my friend and have him start looking at some houses while we are in limbo. And then we can get a ring on that finger."

"It's a plan."

The movers called Mac around one o'clock and fully believed her when she said that someone had already come to get everything from her apartment. The General had agreed to process her leave paperwork and chalked it up to her not knowing if she really wanted to retire or not, which was perfect because he hadn't put the paperwork through yet anyway.

Now they were in the middle of a store covered in silver and gold and all things shiny, waiting for a woman to come back with something that Harm described to her in whispered conversation a few feet away.

"Was this what you were looking for?" she asks, and his eyes smile.

"May I?" he asks the woman before grabbing the ring from its resting place on the black velvet.

"Certainly."

When he holds up the ring, she understands why it was absolutely perfect, with a larger set diamond in the center, flanked by a small diamond, an emerald, a sapphire, and another diamond on each side.

"Where did you find this?" Mac asks, totally amazed how beautiful and elegant the ring was.

"I saw something similar somewhere on the internet, and then called around. This place was the only that carried something like it… what do you think?"

"I think it is the perfect representation of the two of us… your navy blue and my marine green."

"Maybe you'll have April babies someday. Then the diamonds would serve their purpose." The older saleswoman says as she watches the couple with a smile.

Harm worried for a split second that maybe the woman's comment hurt Mac in some way, but when she looked up, her eyes were shining at him and she had a slight blush to her cheeks.

"Yeah, maybe someday." She says with a smile.

"Is this it?" he asks, looking at her admire the ring.

She nods in response and watches as he gets down on one knee in front of her and smiles when she hears the gasp of another saleswoman across the small store.

"Then, Sarah MacKenzie… you are the one that I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know that we have a long and bumpy road ahead of us, but I know that the long and bumpy road behind us has set us up to have a beautiful life together. Will you put aside your Jarhead ways and marry me?"

"I sure will, Sailor." She says and he places the ring on her finger, thanking the powers that be, that the ring actually fits. She thinks to herself that it is never coming off her finger as long as she lives as she lets him pull her in for an obnoxious display of affection in the middle of the jewelry store.

After dealing with payment and making sure that the ring did in fact fit properly, the two were off for the rest of their day.

"So, it's official now, you know." He says, picking up her hand to examine the ring's resting place.

"It is."

"And how do you feel?"

"Fantastic, you?"

"I could walk on water." He says with that flyboy smile that always made butterflies appear in her stomach.

"Where is your friend's office?" she asks as they walk down the sidewalk in front of the line of shops.

"It's down Parker a bit."

"You want to walk? It's nice out, and that's just a few city blocks up." She suggests, pointing in the direction of their destination.

"We can walk." He answers, putting his right hand out for her to put hers into as they start walking down the sidewalk like an ordinary couple strolling in the middle of the day.

He picks up their joined hands after a moment, noticing the sparkle of the gems in the sunlight before smiling at her, "Do you really like it?"

"It's perfect. You know, I was married once before and engaged again… but my hand feels lightest with this ring on it."

"I guess that's a good thing?" he asks, only sort of understanding what she meant by the statement.

"Chris and I were a means to an end because it meant that I could leave my dad and never look back. Mic was… well… he loved me, and at the time that was what I wanted. I didn't care that I didn't love him back the same way. I thought I was doing the right thing by wearing his ring."

"You had in on your right hand for some time."

"I wasn't ready. I wasn't even ready when I switched it over to the left, but I did it anyway."

"Hmmm…" Harm adds, just looking ahead and thinking about the past that they had both together and apart for so many years.

"I have an idea though… we are going to stop talking about the past today. We are going to look forward to the future we're working towards. So… only talk about what is to come."

"Actually, we should have an idea of what kind of house we want before we get to his office, shouldn't we?"

"You're probably right."

"Okay… how many bedrooms?"

"I uh… I… Why don't you—" she starts to pass the thought onto him but he turns it back around.

"Mac, I already told you what I wanted. I want you. If you want more than that, then I want that too. If you don't, then we get a small two bedroom so we've got room for an office or a guest room. If you need more time to think about the idea of starting a family, I'm okay with that. If you've already made a decision, I'm okay with that too." He says, turning towards her as he says it so she can see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I want kids. I don't know how I want to go about getting said children, but I want kids… I want us to have a family." She says, seemingly in one breath.

"You're sure?"

"I never thought that I would. The way I was raised was something I worried I would pass on if I had children of my own. That's all different now, though. I feel like I want to try, I'm ready to try for that."

"How big of a family are we talking?" he asks, with a small hitch to his voice as a reaction to how sure she sounded.

She smiles then, knowing that he might be okay with it, but the idea scares the crap out of him, "Two or three kids?"

"Reasonable." He replies with a shrug.

"How many do you want?"

"Mac, I would keep having babies with you as long as I could."

She laughs, "Harm, you and I are both only children, so I don't know where these big families are coming from."

"Maybe I always wanted a little brother and sister to play with when I was growing up… I just… I know that you and I will be amazing parents, and any kid is more than lucky to get us in the draw. We did say a little boy with your looks and my brains or a little girl with my looks and your brains. We can certainly try for both outcomes. So, I'm fine with your idea, but open to more."

"You remember that conversation?"

"Every word."

She regards him for a minute before continuing, "So we want a place with at least four bedrooms? That way we would have at least two for kids and one for an office and guest room."

"Okay, and what about a backyard or porch or anything like that."

"From what I understand, Illinois winters can be kind of rough."

"No worse than D.C."

"True… I think I would like a house that has a fenced in back yard. Once we get settled, I really want to get another dog. Jingo was such a good companion."

"I wouldn't mind getting a dog right away. I've always wanted a retriever to take running with me."

"As far as porches and things like that, I think we'll have to look. I know that houses have that here on the east coast, but I'm pretty sure that wraparound porches aren't the norm in the Midwest. I've always wanted a porch surrounding my house… somewhere to sit during the summers and read or watch kids play in the yard."

"You're probably right about them being a rarity, but we will find it. Do you have any other requirements?"

"A big bathtub."

"Oh, that's right… you do like to have a tub to relax in."

"Relax in, read in… enjoy company in." she says, dropping her tone at the last comment and placing her whisper a little too close to his ear.

"Oh really?"

"Most definitely."

He stops for a minute, looking at her as they continue their walk, "I'll make sure that it's big enough for two then."

"What else should we consider?"

"Honestly, I don't know, when I was searching for my apartment, I was looking for some place that I could make my own."

"And with my place, I just needed somewhere to live. I've never really been particular about stuff like that."

"We've got to be thinking about the future though… you said it. This is going to be somewhere we'll be for a long time." He says.

"Then I say we give him the bedroom specifications and the fact that we want a big backyard, and see what he can find close to the base."

"Agreed."

Harm's friend Pat was more than willing to look in the listings for them and also got in contact with someone who he knew in the North Suburbs of Chicago that would dig some things up for them as well. It was only a matter of time before everything was going to get pushed around. The next day, they were coming for Harm's things, with which was all of Mac's things as well. Then the couple agreed that they would drive Harm's Lexus to Illinois Wednesday and leave his Corvette in storage in D.C. until they found a house. Mac's Corvette was a car they agreed wasn't practical for either of them to keep, so she left it in the very capable hands of Harriet Roberts to sell for them. That way, when it sold, they would get a check that would cover enough of a new car to not have to worry about saving much.

The road trip felt like any other road trip they took on assignment, until the first night when they stopped in Michigan to stay the evening and only had to book one room for the two of them.

"That was a long drive in one day." Harm said, sitting down on the bed and rubbing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"You said that you wanted to get as far as possible. I don't know why, but I'm glad that we only have about five or so more hours until we get to the base." She says, moving behind him to knead the muscles of his shoulders.

"Are you planning on doing this when we're married, because if you are…maybe we should get married tomorrow."

"I'll still do it when we get married… you'll just get the added benefit of sex when I'm done then." She replies, leaning down to bite his ear, teasing him like she had been doing for the past few days, before resuming her position at his back.

When he flips the two of them around and she is under him on the bed, her eyes widen in surprise, "Clearly, I'm out of practice with my take downs, because you got the drop on me." She laughs.

Then he leans down to place kisses all along her collarbone, moving up her neck and around her jaw before letting his lips meet hers. It was a tangled mess of lips and tongues and sighs, but a much needed stress reliever after the long day of driving. When he starts trailing his hands up her side, he can feel her breath starting to escalate. Then, as quickly as he started it, he stops.

"Wha… what are you doing?" she says under heavy lidded eyes, and leaning up to watch him move over and lean up against the headboard and pick up the tv remote.

"I thought that I would pay you back for that teasing remark and all the little comments you've been making since Monday."

"Well that's not fair." She says, crossing her arms over her chest like a child.

"All's fair in love and war." He comments with a shrug of his shoulder.

She hits him with a pillow before climbing off the bed to perform her nightly ritual.

When she catches him watching her out of the corner of her eye, she has to ask, "Are you okay over there?"

"Yeah, I'm just watching you."

"I'm aware of that, why?"

"This is all just new… I… I don't want to miss something."

"Harm, I'm taking off my makeup and putting my hair in a ponytail. It's hardly something you've never seen before."

He thinks about it for a minute, why it's different, when it hits him that he hasn't had a girlfriend that ever did this in front of him. They always retreated to the bathroom to not be seen for twenty minutes or so and he swears that they would come out with makeup still on their faces and smelling like a fresh round of perfume graced their skin.

"I've never had this before. It just seems so normal, and I like that you aren't hiding it from me."

"Why would I hide from you?"

"Come on, Mac. How many men have you let see you without your makeup or your hair done or… just as Sarah MacKenzie… normal woman and not kick ass Marine?"

"It's just different with you," she says after a minute. "You've seen me in the middle of a war zone before, you've bandaged my wounds… what would be the point of hiding from you now?"

"I know, I just love that you do it. Every night, I know that before you go to bed, you have this ritual. It's just… refreshing."

"Harm…"

"Mac, you and I have had to deal with so many things that were not what normal people have to deal with. We've ejected out of a jet being shot down, we've traveled across the desert together, we've bunked in a submarine together… It's just nice to know that we can have normal too."

"I get that… I just don't think that I've ever had someone watch me get ready for bed before."

"I don't know why… you're beautiful."

"When the Mac mask comes off, you still think I'm beautiful?"

He stands up then, walking up behind her so they can see both their reflections in the mirror.

First he places a finger on her chin, "You have this tiny mole on your chin that I never noticed before, and then there's a slight scar right here," he glides his finger up to her eyebrow.

"Chicken Pox when I was 8."

Moving his finger, he touches the tip of her nose, "and even though you have this beautiful olive skin, you still manage to have a few freckles right here. And I love your eyes… these gorgeous brown eyes… they don't need anything to enhance them or cover them up. Then there's your hair… longer than it has been in years." He says, running his fingers through it, "but I like it, and I love when you toss it up the way you do and I can just see this carefree side to you that no one else gets to see."

"You see all of that in my evening ritual?" She asks quietly… not wanting to break the spell he seemed to have over her with their locked eyes.

He just nods and she turns to kiss him for the second time that evening. This time… they don't stop.


	4. Road Trip Musings

**Author's Note:**

**Even though some people are telling me that angst is not their cup of tea, they're still reading, so I'm still writing. You have no idea how much fun this one has been to write so far, and I just keep coming up with more and more new randomness. Enjoy this new installment and have a great week! Review or respond if you would like!**

"Okay… that… was…. Unexpected." She says, after a few minutes of catching her breath.

"Unexpected is the adjective you choose to use right now?" he says, turning to face her with a smile on his face.

"It was perfect… but still unexpected."

"Hey, I was perfectly content on waiting, and then you turned around and attacked me." He says, mock surrendering to her.

"I did not!" she screams back at him, hitting him on the shoulder and then letting him pull her down to him, laying her head in the crook of his arm.

"Mac, I love you, and I don't think that you and I would have lasted much longer than we did."

"You're saying we have no self control?"

"I'm saying that you and I were a ticking time bomb waiting nine years for what just happened."

"Maybe." She says, drifting a bit into a sleepy state as he sits there quietly next to her, "Why so quiet sailor?"

"Nine years was a lot of expectations…"

"You're worried about what I thought?" she asks, turning to face him.

"Is that stupid?"

"No… surprising, but not stupid."

"Why surprising?"

"Harm, were you in the same bed as me? Our next door neighbors are either really jealous, really embarrassed, or calling the cops right now."

"I thought we were slowing things down. I just don't want you to think-"

"Nine years of foreplay was slow enough… I don't regret it." She interrupts him.

"No?"

"Of course not… how can you think that?"

"I don't know Mac, maybe it's the whole thing that you said about waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Now look who's doubting this." she says, wrapping the top sheet around her as she sits up to look down at him.

"I'm not doubting this, I'm just…"

"You're the one who regrets it."

"Only if you do…" he says, and then pauses before adding, " I should have stopped us."

"Harm, I love you, but you wouldn't have been able to stop me just now. I'm glad you didn't…. Listen, I know what I said that night. I was scared. I'm still scared about us. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and you are going to tell me this was a mistake. I'm scared that I'll wake up and run because that's what I do. But to say that we should have waited even longer for what we just did would be a lie. I told you that I wanted us to be settled and ready. When you stood there pointing out all these tiny flaws that I try to cover up I realized that physical and emotional… you know all of them now. You know every little flaw I have and you still want to be with me. You literally made my heart stop when you sat there telling me that you loved to watch me get ready for bed at night because that showed me that we were settled. We had already gotten into this routine without even thinking about it. I didn't question it then… so I acted."

"You're really okay?"

"Harm, this wasn't my first time… yes, it was our first time, but you don't have to worry that I didn't think it was perfect, because it was perfect. It was you and it was me, and it was totally us in its spontaneity and randomness."

"Seeing as how I got taken down by a Marine, I would have to agree that it is totally us. You're the only Marine I'd let take me down."

"I better be the only Marine taking you down." She says, wagging a finger in his direction.

"Now?"

The glimmer in her eye tells him her answer before it even reaches his ears, "We do it again."

The morning came too soon for both of them and she stretches against him as she turns the alarm off on the night table.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks, laughing.

"We didn't do much sleeping, did we?"

"No, we didn't, which is why I'm asking." He replies, rubbing his eyes awake.

"I think that we'll be fine for the drive ahead. We don't have much longer to go, and we have our whole lives for sleep."

"Mac, I love you."

"I know. I love you too." She says, getting up in her naked form to hop in the shower and get ready for the day.

When she gets out, he's standing there with a towel held out to her and one wrapped around his waist.

"I'm surprised you didn't join me."

"We wouldn't have gotten to the base today if that had happened."

"Oh really?" she says, wiping a small bit of shaving cream off his cheek, "you missed a spot."

"I'll just be a minute and then we can get back on the road."

"Okay, I'll tidy the room up and make sure all of our stuff is ready. Do you have your clothes out of your bag?"

"Sitting on the sink, so don't worry about it." He replies, from the shower.

After just another hour, the two of them are back in the car, making their way through the bottom edge of Michigan and toward their new lives.

"I'm kind of excited to be by Chicago."

"Are we really that close?"

"The map considers us part of the burbs, so I would assume that it isn't too terribly far away. D.C. is wonderful, but I've never been near a really big city before."

"You sound excited."

"I just like the feel of a new place like that. It's different for me to actually want to go somewhere new. Before it was always just a new assignment and I would dutifully go where they sent me and not think about it."

"And you've had time to think about this?"

"Well, not really, but I'm not going alone. We're going together, and I've never had that before, you know?"

"I get that."

They sit for a while, watching the rolling hills pass by and make way for more fields as they got closer to Indiana. It was peaceful driving with little traffic and lots of scenery.

"Hey Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"You said that we needed to talk through everything… you know, everything with getting married and all our issues."

"I did." She says, nodding in his direction.

"Well, we've got Indiana and Chicago to get through… what do you say?"

"Where do we start?"

She turns in her seat so she can see him, and watches his eyes scan the road as he's thinking.

"I have no idea."

"I don't either."

"Okay, how about this…" he says after thinking a little while longer, "What was wrong with Brumby?"

"Harm, I thought that we were over bringing up everything in the past."

"No, I'm not saying it to bring up the past, I'm trying to see what we want based on what we didn't want. Like me and Renee. She hated the Navy. She didn't respect the military the way that I would want someone to respect it. She was annoyed when we got shipped off somewhere and she didn't understand the pride that comes with the service."

"Okay, but you know that I have that respect and I understand that pride."

"I do, but what about when I'm in and you're out. How are you going to feel if they ship me off for months at a time? How are you going to feel when you go to the base as a civilian?"

"I haven't thought about that."

"This is why we're talking."

"Well, first off, I will always carry the Corps with me. I may resign, but once a Marine always a Marine. I will feel great going on base, because I'll be the wife of an O-6 and proud of it. I have pride in what you do as well. Even when we were just working together on something, I took pride in the fact that you would crack a case or defend someone to the best of your ability. I took pride in it because I know that our partnership at JAG made you a better lawyer just like it made me a better lawyer. As far as the going away… I don't know. When you were off flying before or when we came back from Paraguay and you were out, it was different. I wasn't the wife being left behind, so I don't know how that's going to feel. And if we have kids, I think that is going to add a totally different dimension to things."

"Agreed."

They sit for a moment, thinking about what the other said before Mac opens up with something that he knew was coming, "Mic wanted a trophy wife. He wanted someone who would look pretty and keep their mouth shut."

"Yeah, good chance with that."

"He would get controlling about some things or he would say this plan for the future that he never talked to me about. Like when we were out with you and Renee and he made some comment that made me realize that he wanted me barefoot and pregnant the second we got married. We never even talked about kids. We didn't talk about how many or how we wanted to raise them, or anything like that."

"He didn't include you."

"No. I hated that about him, looking back."

"I want you to feel like you have a say in everything with regards to the two of us. I don't want you to think that I ever want to control you or that I want you to sit idly by as my wife. You and I work best as a team, and that's how we're going to have to work when we're married."

"I agree with that."

"Okay, and now that it's come up, can we talk about the kid idea? I know we did, but I really want to know where your head is at with all of what the doctor said and in light of our new development."

"You mean that we're actually having sex?" she says with a laugh.

"Well that and the fact that we're together. Kids are a possibility now and we didn't use anything that I know of last night, unless you're on the pill."

"I'm not, but there hasn't been a reason before now to be on it. Frankly there really isn't a reason to start up again either." She says.

He detects the sadder tone in her last statement before continuing, "Mac, you never know. What were the odds she gave you?"

"She said that I had less than a five percent chance of conceiving."

"Okay, and what does that mean to you?"

"That I'm never going to carry my own child." She says simply.

"Can I tell you what that means to me?" he asks and waits while she wipes a tear that had started down her cheek. "It means that if this is something we want, we're going to have to look into it. We're going to have to see if she meant five percent without any interventions or with help. Maybe they put you on some fertility drugs or do some more tests on both of us, but it doesn't take it out of the realm of possibility. And what about adopting? If we can't have our own flesh and blood child, do you want to look into adopting?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so what do you think?"

"I think that I want to wait a bit. I want to get settled into our lives here and I want to get married, and then we go see a new doctor and see what they have to say before taking any further steps."

"And what do we do now? Do you want to start using something just in case?"

"I don't see the need, but if you want to, we can."

"Mac, if you got pregnant tomorrow, I would be perfectly over the moon about it. I just want you to be okay with whatever we do or don't do."

"Can I think about it more?"

"We've got all the time in the world for you to think."

"Okay."

"What about when your 30 days are up? What are you thinking about doing?"

"I thought that I would work on getting the house and everything settled and then look into helping at a recruiting center or something like that. I've toyed with the idea of putting my application into the bar for Illinois and maybe teaching some classes."

"Would you consider a private practice?" he asks, knowing how that turned out last time she thought about it.

"No… I would consider doing something with law and veterans or something like that, but I don't think I really want to be an active attorney. Teaching would be a way to pass on my knowledge and keep up on it. When I think back on law school, there were only a few professors that I had that had their background in military law. I think that's valuable. Especially with the cases we worked on out of headquarters. You and I were in charge of some high profile court martials."

"That we were."

"Are you going to miss that?"

"You and me in a courtroom? Yes."

"We were unstoppable when we were on the same side."

"We were horrible when we were on opposite sides."

"I hope that you get to occasionally do some JAG work while you're here. The General seems to think that it's a possibility."

"Well seeing as how he is the JAG, I'm sure that he'll throw a few things my way."

"Maybe he'll ask for a civilian consultant." She says with a wink.

"You're really okay with resigning?"

"I'm okay with resigning as long as I can still accomplish something. You know me, Harm. I don't do well with sitting around and doing nothing. I need something to put my back up against."

"Thank you." He says, reaching for her hand across the console.

"For what?"

"For being willing to give everything up for us."

"You see it as giving things up, but I see it as gaining something else."

"I know that, but it's going to be hard."

"You said that once already. I know it's going to be hard, but I think that we're worth it. You said that it was fate that brought us together and fate is going to keep up together too."

"You as the optimist is a change." He teases.

"Well, I had a great night last night. Gave me a better outlook" She replies, teasing back as she rolls her eyes.

"We haven't been able to do this in a while."

"What?"

"Talk like this… not that we ever talked about stuff like this, but I miss just being able to talk to you about anything we want. We've just let our relationship rollercoaster so much, that I don't know what's okay and what's not okay."

"We're very good at pushing each other away, aren't we?"

"We are."

"Are we done with that phase?" he asks, looking straight ahead at the road.

"God, I hope so."


	5. Finding Home

**Author's Note:**

**I appreciate all the feedback that I have been getting for this fic. Someone pointed out a geographical error on my part, and mentioned that they do not go through Michigan when driving from D.C. I am from the Chicago area and have family in Michigan, so I thought that they would take a certain route, but when I looked it up again, I found that they would in fact be skirting the border between Ohio and Michigan for part of their trip instead of traveling through it. Maybe they still stopped there though. Oh well! Also, you may note that I refer to the Sears tower... now called the Willis Tower... just so we are clear I will always call it the Sears Tower, because to me... it will always be the Sears Tower... if you have an issue with that, then you are not a true Chicago lover... just sayin' :). Anyways, that aside, I hope that you enjoy this next installment of the Fate fic. Review if you would like!**

"It says that we can take 294 to go around the city or take 94 to go through the city." She says when they are navigating their way after crossing into Illinois.

"You choose."

"It's only 3 o'clock, so I think we should take the route through the city. We can check out the skyline and see some of the sites."

"94 it is then." He says, moving into the correct lane.

When the city actually comes into view, Mac gets more excited. It was like the small town girl coming out in her. Growing up in Yuma and then moving around the world a few times, she didn't see any of the bigger cities. This was certainly a sprawl that she could get used to.

"It's really beautiful." She says, looking out the window and trying to see the top of the Sears Tower as they pass off to the side of the major part of the metro area.

"I bet it's even better at night. We should take the train in one evening for some dinner."

"I'd like that.'

"We have to find home before we can plan our evening out though."

"Yeah, we've got a ways up before we get to where we need to be. It's one of the far north suburbs that we are going to have to get off on."

"Isn't the airport around here too? I remember flying in through O'Hare off to somewhere else a few times."

"It's off to the west a bit."

"Okay." He says nodding.

When they hit their exit, there's a small farm off to the side of the interstate sprouting signs for petting zoos and pony rides. Then they hit suburbia with grocery stores and Walgreens on every corner and small neighborhoods lining the streets.

"Where did they say that they were putting us?"

"VOQ for the time being. I told them that I was looking for a place off post with my wife."

"Wife, huh?"

"I figure that they may view you as Colonel MacKenzie still, but they don't know that there is a Sarah Rabb in there as well."

"Sarah Rabb?"

"Oh, I shouldn't have assumed that you would—" he says, getting a bit flustered before she sets a calming hand on his bicep.

"I like it."

"You don't have to change your name, Mac."

"If I want to?"

"Then I would be more than happy about it."

"Here it is." She says, noticing the turn off to the base gate where the guards asked to see both military I.D.s and saluted the vehicle as it passed.

"Do you know where you're going?"

"They've got signs pointing things out."

"Well, do you want to go there first or do you want to head to the Commissary to pick up some basics for the next few days food wise?"

"Why don't we go there first to see what we've got to work with and then we can go from there?"

Pulling up to the complex, they noticed first how well maintained everything was. He had been told that he had a two bedroom apartment for the two of them until they found a place off base to settle. A two bedroom was a rarity on most bases he'd been in, so he was surprised at the accommodation, but then remembered that he was one of the highest ranked officers on this particular base.

"Home sweet home." He says, putting the car in park.

They grabbed a few of their bags before heading to the main entrance of the building where they were greeted by a young Petty Officer.

"How can I help you sir?" he asks, standing up from his desk.

"I'm Captain Harmon Rabb and this is Colonel Sarah MacKenzie." He says watching the young man scramble to attention before Harm could call him at ease. "I was told I had a two bedroom with my name on it for a couple months."

"Let me check on that sir… yes, Captain Rabb, you are in number 32 on the third floor…. And Colonel, I don't have you listed here on—"

"The Colonel is actually my fiancé, and will be staying with me here on base until we can find somewhere off base to set up shop."

"Oh, I see… then can I offer you any help getting things up to your new digs, sir?"

"No, I think we can mange, but thank you." He says, taking the keys from the Petty Officer's outstretched hand.

As they are walking toward the elevator, it's Mac that chooses to mutter under her breath, "That was the fastest I've ever seen someone snap to." She states with a laugh.

"I thought he was going to chop off his own head by how hard he saluted." He replies, joining in her laugh.

The apartment is small, but still spacious enough for the two of them to move around comfortably.

"Not too bad."

"Not at all." She says, sitting down on the bed and dropping the bags at the foot.

"You hungry yet?"

"Not really, but we should probably hold off on the Commissary for now anyways. Most are coming off duty right now, and it'll be crowded."

"How about we take a nap and then venture out to get some food tonight. I have a brief meeting at Oh Nine Hundred tomorrow, but the rest of the day is free. We could shop for food tomorrow afternoon."

"I could just go out tomorrow while you're at your meeting, and then we can take the afternoon to go around the surrounding areas to check out any neighborhoods we'd consider moving to. What about that?"

"If I put healthy food on the list, are you actually going to buy it?"

"Yes." She says, rolling her eyes at him. "In fact, if you want, we can sit down and plan some stuff out before we go shopping. I know how much you love to cook, and there are a few things that you've made that were healthy that I liked. I can change that for you, but you need to let me order really bad pizza and you need to let me eat red meat every now and then."

"Let me get this straight… you, Sarah MacKenzie—"

"Soon to be Rabb." She points her finger at him, and he smirks in response.

"You want to sit down and plan out our meals for the week?"

"I like having things like that all lined up. That way we won't scramble around trying to find something. Why does that surprise you?"

"You forget that I've seen your office before." He says, deadpan, which causes her to smack his shoulder in response.

"I got so much better than when we first started working together!"

"You did, it's just cute to see this domesticated side of you."

"I'm warning you now, that there really aren't any domesticated sides of me. I just want to know what nights you're planning on tofu so I can arrange for the Chinese food."

"Ha ha… very funny."

"One of the reasons you love me." She says with a wink as she tries to come up with a pen and paper to make their list for the week.

When the weekend came they had a full schedule of different houses to look at in the suburbs surrounding the base.

"These houses are all running together right now." She says, sitting back in the SUV with a weary look on her face.

"Have you seen any one that stuck out to you in the area?"

"Not one of those houses were houses that I could see myself in for a long period of time. They were too boring or too close to the neighbors. I thought the suburbs were where you went when you wanted a spacious house with a yard for the kids? I'm pretty sure that in the last two subdivisions we were in, you could reach out the window of your house and into the neighbor's bedroom."

"We've got one more place to check out on this list. Do you want to wait or do you want to go now?"

"Where is it?"

"Libertyville. That was the town with the main street that you liked so much and the square in the center. All the shops and whatnot were over there too."

"And there was a train station in the area, wasn't there?"

"There was… you want to look?"

"I guess one more can't hurt us. But if this one doesn't have anything that we like, I think that we need to narrow our field a little bit more. All this stuff that he has pulled for us has not been what I had in my head."

He continues to drive, but glances at her sideways once they're stopped at a red light, "I thought you didn't have any thoughts on houses. You said that when you searched for your apartment, you were just looking for somewhere to be."

"I know that I said that, but this is different. We're going to be there together, possibly start a family there, and it needs to be somewhere that I can call home… especially if I'm going to spend a lot of my time there when you're gone."

"Okay, so what do you want?"

"I want something that has a big family room that opens into the kitchen, because everyone always ends up in the kitchen for everything. I don't care about a dining room or anything like that, but I want the big family room. I want a big kitchen for you and your crazy cooking. I'd like an office and a guest room downstairs and enough rooms upstairs to have you and me and a couple of little ones. I also want it to be open, you know? I want to have lots of natural light, and I just want it to be a home."

"Okay, then that's what we're looking for." He says, pulling into the neighborhood where the last house was located.

"I already like how much room each house has. It doesn't look too crowded."

"I agree… and I can't find which one—"

"That's it." She says simply, pointing across the road a bit to a house with pale yellow siding and white shutters.

When they get into the driveway, she's drawn to it, and he admittedly loved it on first glance as well.

"Look at the porch." She says, putting her hand on the banister leading up to the large front porch.

"It doesn't wrap around." He points out, knowing that is something that she had said she would love earlier.

"There is enough room that we could make it if we wanted to, but it's nice regardless."

After nosing along a few minutes, both jump at the sound of a voice behind them. "Hello?"

They turn to face an older man with a small spade in his hand and a bucket filled with weeds.

"I'm sorry, we were just admiring the place from the outside before we talked to our realtor."

"It's a great place." He says simply, taking off his gardening gloves and putting a hand out to Harm, "Max Wilson."

"Harmon Rabb," he says and then gestures over to Mac, "and this is my fiancé Sarah."

"Nice to meet you both… what do you think of the place?"

"I think it's definitely worth looking into. Why are you giving it up?"

"My old bones can't handle another Chicago winter. I'm moving down to Savannah to be near my daughter and grandchildren."

"That will be a nice change."

"I hope it will be, but I can't go until I sell this place." He says with a laugh. "Do you guys want the tour inside?"

"You wouldn't mind? We could call to set something up for a later time if you're busy."

"Not at all. I would love to show a young couple all the rooms they can fill in this place." He says with a waggle of the eyebrows and an outstretched hand to have them lead into the house.

The inside captured them just as much as the outside did, with hardwood floors and a spacious living room with a small den or office off to the side.

"We've done a lot to the place over the years. Before my wife passed she got on a decorating kick and nearly broke our bank putting in the new hardwood and getting the siding replaced outside."

"Have you lived here long?"

"40 years this May."

"Wow." Mac says, surprised that someone could live in one place for so many years.

"It's a great old house, but it does need some work done."

"What kind of work are we talking?" Harm asks, knowing that he had wanted to work on any home they purchased anyways but hoping that it wasn't a money pit.

"The appliances and kitchen need some updating along with the bathrooms. There needs to be carpet replaced upstairs because it has been there forever. The basement is only half finished, as my wife passed away while we were working on it. Oh, and the yard is hell to maintain."

"We appreciate your honesty."

"I appreciate your interest in the place. We raised our two daughters here and now they are off with their own families in Georgia and in D.C."

"That's where we came from… D.C." Mac tells the older gentleman.

"What made you move to the Midwest?"

"We're both in the military and when we got new assignments, he proposed and took a job over at Great Lakes instead of a command in London."

"Very nice. Can I ask what exactly you do?" he asks gesturing between the two of them.

Harm takes the question with pride, "We both worked as part of the Judge Advocate General's Corps. Mac here is a Lieutenant Colonel for the Marines and I'm a Navy Captain."

"JAG, isn't it?"

"It is."

"So you're lawyers to boot?" he says, amused that the two seemed so normal and not the military or lawyer type to him at all.

"That we are."

"Well, why don't I show you the upstairs rooms and we can talk fine print."

The upstairs partially opened to the downstairs living area, which was something both liked. The master bedroom had an attached bathroom with its own very new looking Jacuzzi style tub in it.

"I thought you said the bathrooms needed updating? That tub is amazing." Mac says, walking over to it in admiration. She loved her baths.

"That was all my wife. A girlfriend of hers was visiting her daughter who apparently had one. Tell my wife that something like that exists and the next day I have to be at the hardware store. This bathroom doesn't really need any updating, but the other two do."

"So there are three and a half baths in total?"

"If you count the basement, which is set up to put a bathroom in, then you would get three fulls and two halfs."

"And it is four bedrooms?"

"Four bedrooms and a downstairs den. I use that for my office when I feel like being productive."

Heading back down the stairs, Mac can't help but glance at the pictures lining the way down.

"You have a beautiful family."

"Thank you, ma'am. I'm proud of the life we lived in this house, but now it's time to move on." He says once they reach the front landing.

"Mac, what do you think?" Harm turns to ask her and she thinks for a moment before telling him that they will definitely be in touch.


	6. Something to Hold You

**Author's Note: Here's yet another installment of the Fate series. I hope you enjoy it as I'm definitely enjoying writing it! Review if you would like and let me know your thoughts!**

The coming weeks proved to be more stressful that either could imagine with Harm starting a new command and Mac working on everything regarding the house that they were buying.

"You need to get into the office to sign those papers today, or we are going to have to wait another week until we can make this happen." She tells him over the phone later in the week.

"Mac, I'm really bogged down right now. Can't you just get them and bring them to me here so I can sign them?"

"They need you to sign there or they won't accept it."

"What time do they close?"

"1800."

"I'm not going to be able to make it over there today. It's just not going to happen."

"Well that's just great." She says in a monotone, showing her anger and frustration at the situation.

"Mac, I can't help it if I have to work and you don't have anything else to do." He replies and regrets it the instant he says it.

"Just like you can't help the fact that you're an ass." She retorts, slamming the phone down.

They fell into things with just a few bumpy patches along the way, but she knew that this was going to be a bigger fight than the one they had earlier last week about leaving socks on the floor. The comment hurt her more than she wanted it to, only because she felt that at times it was true. For a man and woman who were only the job to uproot themselves and try to combine their lives there were going to be some issues. She was starting to second guess the idea of quitting the Corps for a life that she hoped for but was more than a bit scared of.

When he came in that evening, she was washing off her plate from dinner.

"I didn't mean it." He says, coming up behind her to wrap his arms around her middle.

She instantly turned around with a scowl on her face, pushing him away "Yes, you did."

"I didn't mean it to come out the way that it did though, Mac. I really didn't."

"Do you not understand that I am trying to get us a house? The same house that you and I saw and then started making plans for the second we got in the car. You have no idea how frustrating it has been to try to get loans and work with the realtor and get paperwork ready, and you have to take time to sign one little piece of paper and you can't?"

"I stepped out for an hour and did it. That's why I'm so late."

"Well, your dinner's cold." She says icily, walking out of the kitchen and into the small second bedroom they were using as an office.

He figured she needed space for a while. So he gave her an hour while he ate his dinner and walked into the office while she was searching different furniture websites online.

"I'm sorry."

She turns the chair around so she can face him, crossing her arms over her chest while doing so.

"You don't get how this feels. You don't get what it's like to know that the thing you put your back up against is going to be gone in a few weeks and you're standing in the middle of the unknown."

"I do."

"How?" she scoffs.

"Flying… my accident. It was all taken away from me in a blink and then I had to figure out what to do with the rest of my life."

"But you still had the Navy."

"And you have me… I thought that I could be what you stand with now. Apparently I'm not."

"It's different though, Harm. I love you, but you're only one man."

"What's your point?" he asks, confused by the statement.

"In the Marines, there was always another post, another job for me to do. I was good at being a Marine, so I had options. If one thing was taken away, I could go in another direction, just like you did with the Navy. There is no other Harmon Rabb. If you go, if this turns sour, if I'm a crappy wife, I've got nothing left. Don't you get that?"

"I don't." he says and stops her with a finger to her lips when she starts to speak again, "I don't get it because I'm not leaving. And no matter what you do, I'm still going to love you. Why are you so hell bent on this whole thing failing?!"

The last part came out as a yell and her eyes went wide.

"Because this… this isn't any different than any other time! We've only managed to actually be with each other longer! When we toyed with the idea of us… when I put myself out there in Sydney, it FAILED. When you came to my engagement party and you admitted to me without the words that you were in love with me and you kissed me like that, it FAILED. You didn't follow through on that kiss or that conversation. When I broke it off with Brumby, you invited me over because of what I assume was love and in came Renee with her father's death, and it FAILED. You show up on the Guadalcanal and tell me that we can stop this dance but I ask you what you would give up. You FAILED. You couldn't bring yourself to answer. And then… in Paraguay… you show up after resigning from the Navy to find me and you can't even bring yourself to give me the whole answer of why you did it, so it FAILED. How many times have we tried this?"

"Sarah, this IS different. How can you not see that?"

"Because all I see is our past staring me in the face. All the slight attempts toward each other ended with broken hearts and doubt."

"I never doubted that I loved you all these years."

"Neither have I, but sometimes you hurt the people you love and sometimes you have let them go."

"I'm not letting you go… you aren't running from this." he says, grabbing on to her shoulders and looking her in the eye. "This time, it is going to work."

"Then why is it so hard?"

"Because all the other times were easy opportunities. I could have swept you away and taken you from that engagement party. I could have said yes in Sydney. I could have told you that I resigned because I loved you in Paraguay. Those were just handed to us. This was a hard decision. We had to finally make a choice that would change our lives and put us into a situation that neither of us was comfortable with. It's going to be hard when you don't know what you're doing." He says, thinking back on all those times and wondering what would have happened if either had actually gone through with any of it.

By now, the tears were silently streaking down her cheeks and her nose was red from sniffling, "What if it's too hard for me?"

"I'm here, Mac. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, and you and I are going to do all this crazy stuff together."

"You really went and signed the papers?"

"I could tell that you were upset."

"Oh, did calling you an ass give it away?" She says with a smirk.

"It did. And I really am sorry about the comment I made. I'm frustrated trying to get settled here when I would frankly rather be with you working on stuff for the new house than sitting in meetings all day. I know that you've been working hard on getting everything done for us."

"I know that you want to be a part of it. I'm just coming up on this deadline and I'm scared."

"Mac, you do have me. Regardless of what happens with the two of us being together like this, I know that you are always going to be a part of my life. I will always be there for you."

"I know you will. I figured that out a long time ago. Do you get it though? Do you get why I was so mad."

"You had every right to be, and I'm telling you now that I appreciate everything that you're doing with the house and taking care of all this crazy paperwork. If you need me to take some time to get things finalized I can."

"No… just knowing that you understand that I'm not just sitting around the house all day…"

"I know you aren't, Mac. I do."

He pulls her closer to him, his hands having never left her shoulders, and she melts into his embrace.

"Sarah, I know that you're scared, but we've got to trust this. Aside from the Navy, I feel like you're all I have, and you're in the first spot to me. You have to know that." He says, placing a kiss on the top of her head and breathing her in.

"I do."

In her heart she did know all these things. She was confident in what she had with him. It was her head after all those years of people leaving and people not being there to count on. All those years of she and Harm pulling towards each other and back away. She just couldn't convince her head that her heart was right.

Making matters worse, Harm got a call from the General in the middle of the week asking for his help on a JAG investigation. Harm gladly accepted the opportunity to help, and regretted it when he found out that he would have to be flown halfway around the country for a month instead of being here with Mac.

"What time are you leaving on Saturday?" She asks him on Thursday afternoon when he comes home for lunch after he called to tell her the news that morning.

"Pretty early, why?"

"I've been thinking about some things and realized that the logistics of this aren't going to work. You are going to be overseas, and we don't close on the house for another twenty days. My leave ends, which means my resignation is in ten days."

"Okay?" he says, not really understanding what the issue is.

"That means that there are ten days that I don't have a place to stay, and you are going to be gone when we need to move everything."

"Well, I don't know what we can do to help that."

She smiles and looks down for a moment, knowing where she was going with this and not knowing if he would accept her idea, "I want to get married on Friday…"

"You want to what?"

"I know that I freaked out when you did the same thing to me, but that was before we got here… and things are different. We've had our fights and we've had our talks and I just don't see the point in waiting."

"But what about all our friends and our family? I thought you wanted everyone here."

"I do, but we can always have a party when you get back from the investigation. It just… it makes sense and I don't want to wait anymore." She says, shrugging her shoulders.

"You really want to do this? You want a courtroom wedding the day before I leave for a month?" he says, with a skeptical pair of raised eyebrows.

"I do. It doesn't matter how it happens, right? As long as it's between you and me?"

He pulls her in with a smile, "You're stealing my line MacKenzie."

"It's the truth."

"All right… but are you sure that we can do this?"

She nods, "I looked into it, and Illinois has a one day waiting period, so if we go apply now, we can get married tomorrow morning. That gives us the afternoon to put in all the paperwork necessary for me to have the power to be on base after I'm out, and gives me the authority to get our stuff when it comes in and all that."

"You've really thought about this, haven't you?"

"I've been thinking about it since our fight the other day. I know that I'm not going to run and that you aren't going to run. I know that in my heart, but I think my brain needs something to hold it all up against. So, I was looking into it and going to ask you if you wanted to do it within the next few months anyways."

"And then I called with this, this morning."

"We've always been so good with deadlines." She says with a smirk.

"All right, well, I've got 25 minutes until I have to be at the office, so let's go." He replies, glancing down at his watch.

"23, but I'm sure we'll manage."

An hour later, she's home and working on printing out the paperwork that they are going to have to have filled out before Harm leaves on Saturday, and the state of Illinois says that they can get married tomorrow.

It was a lot to take in when she took the time to sit down and think about it. With Chris, the marriage really was a means to an end with the life she was living with her father. She loved him because he was taking her away from that and he loved a good drink just like she did at the time. Mic was another means to an end if she let herself admit it. Her trials and tribulations with Harm would have to end if she was married to another man, wouldn't they? Not so much.

But now… thinking about marrying Harm wasn't like that. He was right in saying that she wanted someone to love her and she wanted so badly to love them back the same way. She didn't have that when she was going to marry Mic Brumby. He loved her so much, but she was just settling at the time. Even then, she knew that she loved Harm. It was always there. She knew that he loved her in this way that no one had before… simply. There were no bells and whistles and the angels didn't play every time she walked in the room. He just loved every part of her and that was it. It just was, and tomorrow was a day that she could look back on and know that she was making the best decision of her life.


	7. I do

**Author's Note:** **Sorry guys... it has been a really rough few weeks. I know that some are asking about updating my fics, so I figured that I would get at least one of them updated for you. Hopefully I can use this weekend to do another update on some more. Either way, I hope you enjoy this installment. Review if you would like!**

"I do." He says with a smile on his face as he looks into her watery eyes.

"Then, by the power vested in me by the state of Illinois and Lake County, I pronounce you husband and wife. Congratulations." The judge says with a smile and a signing of their marriage license.

Harm leans in to kiss her briefly and that was it. They were man and wife. Years of walking eggshells around each other, not committing to anyone, and loving each other… and here they were.

When they walk out of the county courthouse, they walk out hand in hand, smiling about the fact that they got married and the heavens didn't open up and swallow them whole. The other shoe wasn't going to drop before they had made it official, and Mac was starting to think that maybe it wasn't going to drop at all after all.

"So, what do you think?" he says, stopping them and pulling her in by the waist.

"I think that being Mrs. Rabb is going to do me well."

"Really? Anything else?"

"I think that I only have a few more hours until my husband has to go off and serve his country for a month or so, so we should drop of some paperwork and then go home and celebrate." She says with a smile and kiss to his chin.

"Celebrate how?" he asks, lowering his voice and kissing the corner of her mouth.

"I have a few ideas."

Her own voice had dropped down and she had leaned in closer to his ear so he heard her at just above a whisper, and he leaned in and whispered back, "You're going to kill me, Marine."

She pulls back with a sparkle in her eyes, "but what a way to go, right?"

So celebrate they did, and when the morning came they said goodbye with just a few heartfelt kisses and a wave from the parking lot. They had both agreed that they weren't going to be that couple that went through a weepy goodbye when one had to go away, because they had been dealing with it their entire relationship anyways. She knew he would come back to her as he always had and he knew that she would be waiting for him as she always had.

The only thing that struck either of them at probably the same moment was the fact that the majority of the out of town assignments they went on had been with each other. For him to go on a big JAG assignment for the General without her was something that both found about unnerving. It was soon shrugged off as the week got underway.

While he was gone, she was in the thick of things, and the only time she really wished he had been there was when she faxed her letter of resignation over to the General, finally severing her Marine career. It was a bittersweet moment that took a lot of thought before she hit the send button. She realized that it was all going to be worth it in the end though. Even if times were to get rough in the near future or months and years down the road, she and Harm were it for each other. That brought more comfort to Mac than she ever realized she wanted or needed.

Two days after she resigned her commission, she got the message that their crate had arrived with all their things. It was only an inconvenience because it happened to be just four days before they got the final closing paperwork on the house.

"If you can please hold these crates in storage for a few more days, I will be able to get a mover to come in and get everything. The Navy doesn't even have to move us in if you guys can sit on it for a bit." she says over the phone when she gets the call that their things had arrived but was worried that they weren't going to keep it for them.

"Ma'am, we will take care of everything. I know that there were some issues with this initially, so we will hold things for you and Captain Rabb, and all we need is a call on Monday with the address." The young man says to her over the phone.

"All right, then I will make sure everything is squared away Lieutenant."

"My pleasure Mrs. Rabb."

After she hangs up she smiles at the telephone and the Lieutenant's use of the term. She was Mrs. Rabb now, and the way people said it so casually when they talked to her made her get butterflies in her stomach. The butterflies lead her to e-mailing her husband to find out when exactly he was coming home this time around.

_Harm,_

_I hope everything is going well with the investigation. Are they still thinking you will be home next Friday, or are we looking at a new timeline? I mainly ask because I miss you like crazy, and partly because we got all our stuff in, and I'm moving everything into the new place on Monday. The furniture we picked out before you left online is going to come in sometime after that too. I wish you were here and I hope that you're okay with where I put everything and all the paint colors. The resignation has been processed and I'm still getting used to being called Mrs. Rabb, but I've got to say it has a nice ring to it._

_I love you,_

_Mac_

He replies a day later that the investigation wouldn't be over by next Friday but hopefully the following week sometime after that, so Mac is on her own for moving. He also tells her that he's sure that whatever she does will be perfect for both of them, which makes her smile but makes her nervous all at the same time.

When she lived briefly with Mic Brumby, he was coming into her space and it was easy to just add a few of his pictures here and there and a couple knickknacks. They were supposed to be creating this place together. It was going to be a mixture of the two of them, and she didn't know how exactly that was going to look. The more she thought though, the more she realized that she wanted everything there and ready for him when he got home.

Monday was insane. The nerves she had about the whole move were making her nauseous and the thought that the movers were going to be at the new house just an hour or so after she got the key to the place made things even worse. She was worried that the timing of one or the other wasn't going to go according to plan, and she had a lot to do in the day.

Her goal was to get them to just move everything into the correct room for the time being so she could still paint around the boxes. That way the rooms would be ready before their new furniture came in later in the week and she could start unpacking after that was in its place.

"I appreciate all that you've done for us with getting this place squared away, and I know that Harm does too." She says to the realtor as she shakes his hand after getting the keys to their new home.

"It was a pleasure dealing with the two of you, and I hope everything goes well with the move."

"Thank you." She says and he leaves her standing on her front porch.

She sits there a moment on the worn but still sturdy patio furniture that Mr. Wilson had left for them to enjoy. It was a white wicker that she knew she was going to paint before the summer was up and update with some new cushions. It was the perfect view really. She could see the whole street from her spot here on the porch and she could easily imagine working on a small garden in the front and picture how the house would look as you pulled up.

By the time she finished with all of her imagining, the truck that she assumed had all their things was turning onto their street and the moving day had begun.

The young men they had working were amazing and had the truck unpacked in just over an hour because of how little the two of them actually had. Their small apartments could both fit in this new place with room to spare and the majority of her furniture she left when she sublet to Varese back in D.C.

It was good for when she was going to go out later for some paint to start getting down to the nitty gritty work before Harm came home. It was horribly domestic of her, but she really did want everything to be perfect when he got back. She didn't want him to come home to a house in disarray. She wanted him to come home to a place that was ready to be lived in and she wanted the two of them to get to start living the moment he was home. The more she thought about merging their two lives together, the more she wanted it to start right away.

"I miss you." She says, answering the phone a few days later and knowing that he was the only one with this new number.

"I miss you too" he says with a laugh, "How's it going?"

"You wouldn't believe the amount of stuff that I've gotten done the past few days. I've gotten most of the rooms we are actually going to use right away painted, and I was able to get a carpeting place in to replace the carpet upstairs before they come with the new furniture tomorrow. That will come tomorrow and then I'm starting to get the boxes unpacked after that."

"Well, don't run yourself ragged, Mac. I can help when I get back."

"No, I don't want you to have to worry about all this when you get back. I want you to just enjoy it."

"Even if I have to unpack boxes when I get back, I'll enjoy it because I'll be doing it with my wife."

"Your wife, huh?" she teases him with a smile into the phone.

"Yeah… it's been great trying to work that into all my conversations. I like being able to say that I have one."

"Really? Don't you think that takes away from your macho Navy persona?"

"Who cares… I love it."

She smiles, knowing that he means every word, "it has to be incredibly early over there, why are you up?"

"I figured that I would call early enough that I didn't interrupt your sleep. I know that you've been working hard on everything over there. You know that I appreciate it all, right Mac?" he says with sincerity.

"I know. And I can't wait for you to get home."

"Well, just a few more weeks and we'll be done. I should probably go though, catch a few more hours of sleep before I'm back to the grind."

"All right. I love you, be safe, and I'll talk to you soon."

"I love you too, Sarah." He says before hanging up.

The next day, when she wakes up, she doesn't feel well at all. However she isn't surprised because of how she has been working the past few days, and if the dull ache in her back was any indication, maybe she did overdo it a bit. Run down and just plain exhausted, she was glad they had decided to have the new furniture delivered and set up by the company instead of doing it themselves. It only took a few hours, but by the end of the few hours, whatever was going on was getting worse and one of the gentleman that worked for the moving company asked if she was doing all right.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but are you all right?" he asks, walking over to where she had been sitting in the kitchen as they moved in the furniture in the living room.

"I'll be fine. I think that the moving is just catching up to me. My husband is overseas right now and I've been getting everything done by myself while he's been gone."

"Are you sure? You really don't look well."

The back pain that she felt as a dull ache this morning, she dismissed as soreness from all the painting, but it had grown to something entirely different within the past few hours and she was starting to wonder if the man had a point.

"I just… We're about done here, and I would feel horrible leaving you here by yourself if you need to get help." He continues when he sees her wince after trying to stand up from her sitting position.

She takes a deep breath and realizes that she can't really stand up straight anymore before taking him up on his offer, "You know what, I'm actually starting to wonder if you're right… do you think that you could call me a cab? I don't even know where the nearest hospital is."

"It's Condell down the street just a bit. I'll call someone and you get your things, okay?" the man says, picking up his cell phone as she goes to the kitchen to grab her things before realizing that she has to go to the bathroom.

If she wasn't convinced before, she's convinced when she sees the blood and realizes that something is really not right.


	8. The Other Shoe

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, here's the fair warning that it is about to get a little crazy. This is a prompt that I took from my roommate about something that is coming later in the story, so don't blame me! I hope that you enjoy it and see it for the greater and bigger story that it intends to be. Review if you would like!**

Five minutes later, a blue Toyota pulls in the driveway and a woman just a bit younger than herself steps out of the car and hugs the gentleman who had used his phone to call for her.

"Ma'am, this is my wife, Jenna. I know that you're new to the area, and I didn't want you to have to get to the hospital in a cab, so I thought that this would be better." He says, introducing his wife and noticing that Mac was paler when she came down the steps of the front porch.

"Let's get you to the hospital…umm?…" she says not knowing her name.

"Sarah. Sarah Rabb."

"All right, let's get you to the hospital Sarah." She says, opening the door to let her in and walking over to tell her husband good bye, "You're a good man, you know that?"

"If it was you by yourself with no one around, I would hope somebody else would do the same."

"I'll wait for a bit with her and make sure everything is okay, so I may be a bit."

"Thanks for doing this, babe." He says giving her a kiss before opening her door for her.

When they get to the emergency room, she talks to the nurse and explains everything that is going on and is told to sit down for a minute.

"So, when did you and your husband move here?" Jenna asks, trying to make her forget about where they were for a moment.

"We've been in the area about a month and a half. We were at Great Lakes, but we wanted a house off base."

"Oh, so you guys are Navy, then?" Jenna asks, still trying to keep Mac's mind off of the way she was feeling.

"My husband is a Captain, and I just resigned my commission as a Lieutenant Colonel in the Marine Corps."

Her eyes go wide at that, "Wow, you were a Marine?"

"I know, you wouldn't think that based on this reaction, would you?" she says, grabbing her back as another pain went through her.

"It makes me realize that Matt was right in calling me. If you're a Marine and in that much pain, something is definitely wrong."

"Yeah, well, we'll see."

"How long is your husband gone?"

"He'll be back in a few weeks. He's overseas doing an investigation for JAG."

"So he's an attorney?"

"Good guess." Mac replies with a hint of surprise in her voice.

"Matt was actually a Petty officer in the Navy, so I've got all the abbreviations down pretty good."

"Explains the honor and the Ma'am."

Jenna smiles, knowing that is exactly where he got those things. "True. He got out right before we got married. He didn't want us to raise our kids as Navy brats, so we got out and settled back here near his family."

"Well, you tell him that I do appreciate his concern, and I know that Harm would appreciate it too."

"It's tough being in a new place like this. I know that I get that. I'm from Arizona and when we moved here a year ago, I knew no one except his family. And I know you get that you really don't want to spend all your time with his mother." She says with a laugh.

"Harm and I actually just got married before he left. It's a long story, but we were a long time coming."

"I'd like to sit down and hear that story sometime."

"Sarah Rabb?" a nurse calls out.

"Oh, that's you. Listen, I've got nothing to do, so I told Matt that I would stay a while to see that you were okay and see if you needed a ride back. Is that okay with you?"

Mac, being the private person that she was, really didn't know what to do in a situation like this. Jenna and her husband seemed like nice people and people that she and Harm could become friends with, but what a way to start a friendship.

"I um… I don't know what to say."

"Well, then, I'm waiting. If you change your mind, just tell the nurse to let me know. Either way, expect a phone call in the next few days so I can hear that story." She says, taking Mac's hand to help her up.

When she gets back there, she is asked to put on a gown and lay down on the gurney before the doctor gets to her, which seems like an eternity. Her mind had already gone through plenty of possibilities as Jenna was trying to distract her, but she hadn't prepared herself for this.

"All right, Sarah… I'm Dr. Kusch. I see that we're having some problems today, and I'm leaning towards a few different ideas, but I'm curious about one thing on your chart before I proceed."

"What is that?"

"You marked down that you couldn't be pregnant, but you didn't show a history of surgery or anything that would indicate why you can't be pregnant."

"I have endometriosis, and my doctor back in Washington said that I had less than a five percent chance of conceiving."

"Well, I see you're married… are you not sexually active?"

"No, we are, but he's been away for the past few weeks."

"All right, then let me tell you what I think our situations could be then. The cramping in the abdomen and the back could be a result of an ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage but the abdominal cramps could also indicate appendicitis."

"Is there something you're leaning towards?"

"I'm leaning towards the one of the first two actually, especially with the bleeding you described. This may be a shock to you, but especially if it is an ectopic pregnancy, we need to get you taken care of right away."

"Oh…" she says so quietly that the doctor could barely hear her respond, "Okay…"

"So let me get an ultrasound in here and we'll take a look."

Left on her own, she can't process what the doctor said. She heard it, but she can't imagine what it means for her and what it means for Harm. She was pregnant? Or rather, she was most likely pregnant and she would either lose the baby to miscarriage or have to have it removed by surgery.

Two hours later the knock on the door startles her and a nurse steps in, "Mrs. Rabb, a Jenna Currie is wondering if she can come see you. I told her we had moved you back to a room since you were staying overnight. Is it okay that she comes back?"

"Oh, ummm… I didn't realize that she was still here. Can you… actually, yeah, she can come in." she says, wanting the small talk to take her mind off of this day.

"Hey, how are you doin'?" Jenna asks, walking quietly into the room.

"I'm going to be okay, but they need me to stay overnight for some stuff."

"You're okay though, right?"

"Um, yeah… I'll be okay… I just need some processing time." Mac replies, revealing nothing to her new comrade.

She took that to mean that something had happened, but the woman didn't feel like sharing yet if ever.

"Well, I can stay for a bit, or better yet, I can go out and get you some stuff if you're going to be here all night with nothing to do. Are you a magazine person or a crossword person?"

Mac laughs, "Neither actually… I'm more of a book person."

"Okay, well, tell me your genre and I'll go down to Barnes and Noble at Hawthorne and get you a few."

"You don't have to do that."

"If they were making me stay in a hospital overnight, Matt would have to go out and buy me every magazine under the sun and sit with me while I did at least two different crossword books. You need something."

Sighing, she realized that she meant well and wasn't going to let her get out of the distraction, "I like mysteries or crime novels."

"Ooh… interesting. So I'll grab you one of those and I'll also throw in my favorite chick lit, so we can start our very own book club when you get out of this joint. And did they tell you that you can't eat something, cause I can grab some food too?"

"I'll get something here."

"No way… what do you want?"

"A burger, with everything… and fries… and maybe a chocolate shake?"

"Oh Sarah Rabb, you and I are going to be best friends." She says, standing up and walking toward the door.

The smile doesn't reach her eyes, but she is thankful for having the woman here today, "Thank you Jenna."

"No problem."

They spend a few more hours together after she gets back and swap a few stories with Jenna leading most of the discussion. When visiting hours were over, Jenna mentioned that she still hadn't heard the sordid tale of Mac and Harm, so she said that when Mac was feeling up to it they would go out for a girls night and dish on their men. Jenna was going to pick her up in the morning as well, not being able to let Mac take a cab back home if she had a new friend that was willing to cart her around.

In the morning a new doctor came in from OB/Gyn to talk to Mac about what happened the day before.

"Sarah, I'm Doctor Lightfoot. I'm an attending for the OB/Gyn department here at Condell and I specialize in fertility and endometriosis. The doctor you saw yesterday sent me a red flag with your name to see if I could come talk to you about everything from yesterday."

"Okay…" she says hesitantly, not knowing exactly what she wanted to hear at this point.

"From what he tells me, and what I saw, you were at about six weeks pregnant when you came in yesterday to see us. After the D&C, they didn't find anything abnormal."

"So why did I miscarry?"

"That, we don't know."

"Does it have something to do with my endometriosis?"

"That does increase the risk of miscarriage, but we don't know if that was the cause. About eighty percent of the time we don't know the cause of a miscarriage. Now he mentioned to me that you thought that you weren't able to get pregnant, so I wanted to come talk to you about what I saw from the copy of the ultrasound yesterday."

"My doctor at Bethesda told me that I had a less than five percent chance of conceiving, so when my husband and I started our relationship we, well, I decided that the birth control was unnecessary."

"Well, now we know that it is, so I want to talk to you about that as well. And when you're ready, after a few months, I'd love to sit down and talk with you about your options."

"Options?"

"I see things differently than your doctor did."

"So I could get pregnant and carry to term?"

"You've already proven that you can get pregnant… we'll just have to see about the last part."

The hope she had gained deflated a bit at the statement, "so I could miscarry again?"

"You could, but so could anybody."

"What about now?"

"Well, how do you feel about all this?"

"Honestly, I didn't even know that I was pregnant… it's… I'm fine." She lies, easily.

"After thinking that you couldn't conceive?" the doctor asks with skepticism, knowing that was the part that made it worse.

She was right… "You know, I really am fine."

The doctor looks at her for a minute, having seen enough of these cases to know that she really wasn't all right, "Okay, well, I brought a card for a group that meets here in the hospital for women dealing with miscarriage just in case, and I brought my card too for when you want to talk about your next steps. For now though, would you like me to start you on a prescription for birth control, or are you going to leave that part up to your husband?"

"No. I, umm… I'd like the prescription."

"Okay. Have you ever been on the pill?"

"I was on Microgestin for years before I found out about my endometriosis. It seemed to work fine."

"Then that is what I'll do for you. You need to wait a couple weeks before having sex, and you need to give yourself a few months before you start trying to conceive again if that if what you want to do. Like I said though, please come talk to me when you get to that point. Now… Is there anything else that you need from me or us here at the hospital?"

"I think I'm fine."

"All right, then I will get you ready to discharge and you can call your husband to pick you up."

"Oh, he's out of town, so I have a friend picking me up."

"Have you been able to reach him?" Dr. Lightfoot asks with a bit of concern.

"I'd rather he not know while he's gone." She says, looking down.

"I understand that, but know that it will help you in your grieving process to let him know what happened too."

"I'll tell him when the time is right."

With a knowing look, the doctor nodded her head before walking out. She knew that the younger woman wouldn't tell her husband right away, if at all even. Especially not knowing that she was pregnant at all in the first place… usually women worry that their husbands then think that there is something wrong with them.

When she gets home, she can't rest. The doctor said that it would be a good idea, but throwing herself into getting things done seems like a better idea. It keeps her mind off what happened and helps her think that everything is just back to normal again. However, later that evening, the phone rings, and she doesn't know what to do.

"Hello?"

"Mac! You didn't pick up yesterday when I called to see how the furniture delivery went." The familiar voice calls out from the other end.

"Oh, I ummm… I met a new friend and she and I were out to dinner until late last night." She lies, the words coming out so easily that it confirms that she isn't going to tell him what happened.

"A neighbor?"

"No, she is the wife of one of the men from the furniture company. She and I hit it off and talked the night away."

"Well good, I got worried when I couldn't get a hold of you."

"You don't have to worry about me." She says, already pushing him away.

"Of course I do."

"No, you don't."

He picks up on her tone, more distant than usual, "You okay, Mac?"

"Yeah, yeah… I'm just really tired. Need to get some sleep so I can get more done tomorrow."

"Okay, well, I love you."

It takes her a minute before she can choke out, "I love you too… miss you." As the tears threaten to fall.

"Miss you too, Mac."

When she hangs up, it all comes crashing down around her. Their start was over… the other shoe had dropped for her and he was halfway around the world. They had created this life together and it was gone. It was gone before she could even think about what they would have named it… their son or daughter. She had carried a piece of him with her for six weeks, a mixture of both of them that could have turned into that little girl with his looks and her brains. So she cried and held her stomach and prayed that she would be able to keep this from her husband, because she knew that she wouldn't be able to see the look on his face when she told him that they had created this life and she had lost it before it ever was.


	9. What Would Drive Her

**Author's Note:**

**So… this is yet another installment of the Fate series. Last time I had something happen and you were all quite receptive to it. We shall see what you think with this one. It came from a comment my roommate made when I talked to her about Mac's character and the likelihood of different things. This is the result of her answer… I hope you enjoy it, and review if you would like!**

The work on the house kept her mind off of things, and she was more than grateful for the distraction. There was just a little bit of bleeding, but everything else seemed fine after those first two days. If she kept her mind on getting everything ready, she didn't even think about what had happened. Harm was coming home at the end of next week, which gave her another weekend and week to get everything else done that she wanted to.

When the doorbell rang on Tuesday evening, she furrowed her brow for a moment, not knowing who it could possibly be.

Opening the door, she saw the smiling face of her new friend, "Jenna!"

"Hey, Mac! I thought that I would come by and see how things were going, help for a little bit, and then drag you out for some drinks and some dinner." She says, walking in and seeing a house that was certainly not in disarray. "But clearly you don't need any help! Oh my Gosh, how have you gotten this much done?"

Mac laughs, "The downstairs is pretty finished, but the upstairs is a holy mess. The only thing that is even remotely done is the bed being made. I still have to unload all of the stuff for our closets, set up the guest room and figure out what color to paint the bathroom in our room."

"Okay, then let's get going." Jenna says, grabbing her by the hand and walking up the stairs and then letting Mac lead her into the master bedroom.

After Jenna unloads all of Mac's clothing while Mac is working on Harm's, she comes to a realization of sorts, "We need to take you shopping. This is ridiculous." She tells her, gesturing to the very empty side of the closet.

"Well, when you have a job that you have to wear a uniform for, you don't get a lot of stuff."

"Okay, but what kills me is that you have like five different ballgowns in here. How do you have ballgowns and no cute tops for everyday living?"

"NATO balls and formal events. Women are allowed to either be in their mess dress or a gown, and I only chose the mess dress a few times. I had to be girly, I guess."

"Wow… so we need to go shopping sometime after Harm gets back and you stop stressing about this place. In fact I bet that he would agree that you deserve a shopping spree for all this work."

"You're probably right, and thank you for coming to help with this stuff. It's nice having someone to talk to while I'm going through boxes."

"No problem… now what were you saying about paint?"

They go through the rest of the time talking decorations and picking out paint for the remaining rooms upstairs that they were going to use right away for different things. Then Jenna suggests going out on the town for some food, choosing an Irish bar in downtown Libertyville that reminds her of McMurphy's back in D.C.

"How are you feeling, by the way?" Jenna asks after they sit down at a table.

"Hmm?"

"After the hospital last week… are you doing okay?"

"Oh, um… I'm fine, but thank you for asking."

She had been able to forget for a while in talking to the woman while they were at the house. It had seemed like everything was just fine until that moment when she was forced to remember the situation she was in. She was lying to Harm, she was lying to Jenna, and frankly she was lying to herself if she said that she wasn't broken with what happened.

When the waitress comes to the table, Jenna orders a glass of Cabernet and Mac stops for a moment when Jenna asks if she would like the same. "Come on, Mac, you deserve it after the last few weeks. One little glass of wine won't hurt and if you're worried about driving, then Matt can come get us."

Before she can stop herself she agrees.

The feeling in the pit of her stomach is growing as she is taking in her surroundings. She just ordered a drink and she's going to drink it. She knows that it's going to happen because she can't help it… she needs it after this week. She deserves to let herself go for once, because Jenna is right. It has been a crazy last few weeks. It has been years and years since her last drink and last time she let herself go a little bit she was fine a few days later. She was sure that she could do the same now.

When it is finally sitting in front of her, she raises the glass to Jenna, "to new friends." And they clink the two together. She stops for a just a moment before putting the glass to her lips, but then lets the familiar taste assault her and calm her as it once did.

"So tell me about how you and Harm got together, because from what I've gathered it is a pretty great story." Jenna says laughing a bit.

"Well, we were paired together to work on a case nine years ago and just hit it off working together. It was like we were always attracted to each other but never did anything about it, you know? We weren't allowed to get serious because of regulations, so I think we just put it all off. There were moments every now and again where we would say something to each other and catch a glimpse of what could be. Then I threw myself at him when we were in Australia and he told me no and I ended up engaged to another man."

"Wow. So, Harm is your second husband?"

"Yes, but I didn't end up marrying that man, I had married when I was very young, before I got into the Marine Corps."

"What happened with this guy then?"

"Well, seeing as how Harm and I made out on the night of my engagement party, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to marry Mic. Then the night of my rehearsal dinner, Harm was flying back to get to the wedding the next day and crashed his F-14 into the Atlantic Ocean."

"Oh my gosh."

"He survived and I didn't marry Mic. These kinds of things kept happening between us, and the last straw was finally when we got new orders to take command positions halfway around the world from each other. Harm proposed the night before we were supposed to be leaving. We flipped a coin to decide where we would go and then ended up scrapping both of our command positions for me to resign and him to take another position state-side. And we're here."

"The two of you are clearly meant to be together then."

"Why do you say that?" Mac says with curiousity.

"Because you don't go through all that and keep coming back to each other if you aren't meant to be with each other forever."

"I guess you're right."

As the night goes on, the girls chat away, allowing the waitress to pour them a few more glasses of wine while Mac tells Jenna about all the crazy things she and Harm have done together and Jenna tells Mac about her and Matt's relationship.

By the time they need to leave, both are too tipsy to drive and end up calling Matt to come pick them up.

When she gets home, the realization of what she just did hits her with full force and she empties her stomach into the toilet on the first floor. It felt so good at the time, letting the drinks slide down and getting that heady feeling that made everything slip away. Like last time though, it hit her in an instant that what she was doing could only end badly.

She wakes up with a headache and is forced to remember her former self, who would grab a bottle of beer out of the fridge when she was hung over the night after a big drinking spree. Part of her wished that she could do just that, but she stopped herself for a moment. She only made it until a nurse called from the hospital to follow up on her condition.

"_Mrs. Rabb?"_

"This is she."

"_This is one of the nurses from the OB/Gyn department over here at Condell. I just wanted to follow up with you about last week."_

"Oh, I'm fine." She says quickly, hoping to get off the phone as soon as possible.

"_Are you still having any bleeding?"_

"Umm… no, that stopped after a few days and now I'm fine."

"_And did the Doctor talk to you about using birth control for a few months before trying to get pregnant again?"_

"She did, but thank you."

"_Well, I'm glad that you feel well. Please remember that if you need to talk about your loss, there is a group that meets here at the hospital. It is okay to need support for miscarriage."_

"I appreciate that, but I'm doing just fine. Thank you for calling." She says finally, hanging up the phone and taking a few deep breaths.

After a few minutes she thinks about last night and the fact that after a few drinks, everything was hazy. She didn't have to remember what had happened and it just all slipped away. It was so much easier that way.

It was like a different world when she walked into the store, looking for the aisle that held bottles of vodka, her oldest companion, and different kinds of wines and liquors that she knew would take the edge off the way she felt this morning.

After a few gulps of orange juice and vodka back at the house, she felt like new again and got back to work painting one of the other bedrooms with the paint leftover from the living room downstairs. Originally she and Harm had said that they wouldn't touch these rooms, hoping to fill them someday with their toddling children, and making them perfect for that child. She couldn't stand the blank walls when she walked by, feeling like they were mocking her and what had happened.

She drove to the store for the paint she and Jenna had decided on for the bathroom and picked up a couple other colors for the guest room and the remaining bedrooms and set herself to painting for the rest of the day.

She capped it off with a glass of wine and fell asleep dreaming of paint and furniture and not of babies with his eyes and her dark hair. She didn't dream of him leaving her after finding out what she had done. She didn't dream of what she had lost. It was perfect.

By the time he came home, she had masterfully hidden all the evidence of what she knew he would give her a hard time about. That was really why she was hiding it from him. She wasn't ashamed because she was a grown woman and certainly over 21. He, however, would take it all the wrong way, and start lecturing her about this that and the other. There were more than a few times that she would stop and think about what she started doing again, but every time it seemed to be topped off with remembering what had happened during the time he was gone. Every time, she seemed to justify drinking again.

"Mac?!" he says, walking in the front door, amazed that the house was so beautiful.

"You're home!" she screams, running to greet him with a kiss that curled her toes.

"God, I missed you." He says, breaking away from her for a split second before he latched back on to her lips.

The trail of clothing they left in their wake was almost laughable as they made it just to the hallway in front of their bedroom before giving into their need for each other as he crashed her up against the wall.

"Oh. My. God. I missed you so much." She says, her breathing still coming back down and her eyes still glazed over minutes later.

"I missed you too…"

"Welcome back." She says with a laugh and he drops his head to her shoulder to laugh along with her.

After a minute of the two of them joined together like this in the hallway, it's Mac who reminds Harm of their position and suggests they continue celebrating his homecoming in their brand new bedroom.

Hours later, she is draped across his body and he's drawing small circles on her back, "Everything looks amazing."

"Yeah, well, I wanted it to be perfect for you." She says, looking around the bedroom at all the things she accomplished in his absence.

"It is, and so are you… I just can't believe that you did this all by yourself."

"Well, the past few days Jenna has come by to help me with last minute stuff, and her husband Matt has been doing some of the handy man stuff for me at her insistence."

"We'll have to have them over for dinner to thank them. I'd like to meet both of them."

"You'll get the chance next Friday evening because they have already invited us for dinner at their house."

"Great." He says, genuinely excited to start finding a group of friends for them in the area.

"When do you have to go back to work?"

"Tomorrow. I've apparently got plenty of paperwork piled up since I've been gone. I'm just glad that they got me back early so I can spend the day with my beautiful wife." He says, kissing the top of her head before letting his head drop back.

"Hopefully you'll just have tomorrow and then you can get the whole weekend to yourself too. You hungry?" she says, reaching for the phone on the nightstand.

"Mac, are you okay? Your hand is shaking."

She pulls it back quickly, not ever noticing that it was happening before. After a second or two she dismisses the idea and makes an excuse to avoid further questions.

"What? Yes… I think it was just all the adrenaline of finally seeing you again after being on pins and needles this whole day waiting for you to get back."

"You sure you're all right?" he says, putting a hand to her cheek and showing the concern in his features.

"I'm fine… now, back to the question because my Marine stomach needs it… are you hungry?"

"After all that… yes, but I don't want to leave and I don't want to cook."

"Good, because I don't want to leave or cook either. Chinese?"

"Have you found somewhere good?"

"Yeah, Jenna brought some for us one night when we were setting up the guest room."

"Well, why don't you order us some food, and I'll get my stuff unpacked. Then you can give me the tour of the house."

"Yeah, that sounds good." She says, sitting up and throwing the robe from the back of the door on before heading downstairs for the phone and a menu.

She ordered quickly and checked on Harm still unpacking and putting clothes in the hamper before claiming to go down to set the table. Throwing some plates down on the kitchen table, she went downstairs with the guise of grabbing a few candles so she could grab a sip of the vodka she knew was down by the Christmas boxes. Her nerves were getting to her, having him so close again, and she thought that just a sip would help her calm down for the rest of the day and evening. Knowing that he would be able to taste it, she grabbed a piece of chocolate from the candy dish in the kitchen before placing the candles into the candlesticks on the table and sitting down waiting for Harm.

"Ready to give me the tour?" he asks, walking down the stairs.

"I am now." She says, grabbing his hand and showing him everything that she did and explaining different plans that she had. They had talked about everything initially, but now that they were in the space there was so much more that she wanted to do.

Having him back was what she needed more than anything, so she felt like she could get her drinking back under control. Just a week in and she seemed to depend on it, so she knew that she would have to keep it under wraps for a few weeks as she stepped herself down. She would have a little something in the morning to calm her down after he left for work during the week and then would try to hold off until right before he came home, and it was working so far. She was in control and she knew that it wasn't really a problem anymore until he brought up the idea of getting a puppy.

"I know that you said you wanted to get a puppy, and I was thinking that it would be better to have a trained puppy when we decided to work on the kids part of our agreement than to get one after kids enter the equation. So what do you say about us looking around?" He says casually on Friday when they are shopping at the Commissary and come across the pet aisle.

She goes white at the mention of children and he is by her side in an instant. "Mac? Mac, what's wrong? Are you okay?'

She can't talk for a minute, choosing to hold onto her stomach in a way that suggested that she just felt sick. "I just don't feel well. Ummm, can you finish getting everything on the list, and I'll just meet you at the car?"

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I think that I just need some air." She says, walking away from him and toward the front of the store, where she finds the sample bottles of liquor over by the cigarettes and grabs one and a pack of gum before leaving.

When he gets back to the car, she's in the front seat with her eyes closed and her hand still resting on her stomach.

He opens the door and sits down before moving to get all the groceries into the car, "You okay, Mac?"

"yeah, I just needed air, like I said. I don't think that lunch agreed with me very well today."

"Should we call the Curries and cancel for tonight?"

"No! I know that Jenna has been going crazy all week for this, and I'm sure that I'll be fine." She says with a smile before getting out of the car and starting to unload the grocery cart.

Her not feeling well earlier in the afternoon was both a Godsend and a curse later in the evening as they are finishing up their dinner with Jenna and Matt.

The couples had gotten along famously and Harm found both a new running buddy and a new fishing buddy in Matt, which both Mac and Jenna found amusing.

"Well, I found a new shopping buddy in Sarah, so I guess that works out for all of us then. Which reminds me… did you get a chance to tell your husband about your dilemma?"

Mac pales a bit at the question, thinking that she was referring to the hospital, before Jenna turns to him and says, "she has no clothes in that closet of hers. And she did all this hard work on the house, so we thought that we would reward ourselves with a little shopping."

"Now wait a minute Jenna, you didn't help that much to deserve a shopping spree." Matt says with a laugh and a pointing finger.

"I at least get a new top and some shoes." She argues back and he nods in agreement.

Harm laughs at the exchange and watches as Mac smiles with the banter. She really did so much work on the house and tried to make everything perfect for the two of them to start off their new life together. "She's right, Mac, you do need some new clothes. You guys should go out next week and work on that." He says, nudging her with his elbow from beside her.

"Good, I'm glad that's settled… Now let me clean the table off and I'll bring out some wine. Mac, I didn't get the cabernet you liked, but they had some Merlot I thought we could try."

She looks to Jenna with a smile and a nod before even realizing what she was doing. When she does, her head goes down in that instant. She can feel Harm's eyes travel over to her to confirm what he heard, and when she looks up and meets them he knows. He knows that what Jenna was asking was a question that came with ease, and Mac's response was with the same amount of ease.

"Mac?" he asks and her head comes up before momentarily flicking her eyes toward his.

"Sarah, you okay?" Jenna says, watching her new friend appear frazzled all at once. The color had drained from her face.

"You know what, Jenna… I'm starting to feel sick again… I ran out of grocery shopping today too, so I'm sorry, but I think we have to take a rain check on the rest of the evening." She says, standing from her spot and touching Harm's shoulder gently to get his attention.

He had turned his attention downward, trying to make sense of everything. When he looks up at her there are tears in the corners of his eyes and she doesn't miss the small shake of his head as he stands up to walk behind her.

"Oh, uh, okay… then we'll have to do this another time." Jenna says, unsure of the situation unfolding before her.

She looks to Matt for a moment of question and Harm turns around to thank the hosts and tell both of them that it was nice meeting them.

"Tell Sarah that we hope she feels better." Matt adds in as he watches Mac get into the car at the bottom of the driveway.

She was already in the car when he gets in and turns the key.

"Mac… Sarah…" he says, turning towards her and watching her try to get control of the emotions that were already creeping out.

"Can we just… can we just get home before we have this discussion?" she says, wiping a few tears from her face, not being able to turn to him.

"Are we going to talk about this when we get home?"

"I won't want to, but… yes."

"Okay." He says

"Harm?...I'm so sorry…"

"Me too." He says, and reaches out his hand for her to take as he drives them home.


	10. Picking Up The Pieces

**Author's Note:**

**Here it is… I'm surprised as many people who have reviewed and PMed me and said that they were okay with this twist. The question that I had asked my roommate was what she thought would drive Mac to drink again, and it all just started playing out in my head like a not so pretty little picture. I'm hoping that you are all enjoying this. Have a lovely weekend and review if you would like!**

When they get home, they walk in through the garage without a word to each other. She places her purse and keys on the table entering the kitchen and he watches her every move before gesturing to the chair for both of them to sit down.

"When did it start?"

"A few weeks ago…" she adds as a few silent tears start their trek down her face.

"Was it just one time?" he asks, knowing the answer already from the tears falling down her cheeks.

"Harm, I'm sorry…" she starts, sounding do desperate and unlike herself.

"Where is it?"

She looks up then, knowing what he was asking and feeling ashamed that he had to ask her. The tears continue to fall as she can't make the words she needs to. She's shaking her head, not because she doesn't want to give him the answer, but because she can't imagine that they are having this conversation. She really had been so happy with the idea of them and their life together. It had taken so long and she went through so much to get to that point, and then it seemed like one thing set it all off.

"Mac… where is it?" he asks again with more insistence.

"Ummm… there are a few bottles downstairs by the Christmas boxes… one in the guest bathroom… " she says shakily, wiping her eyes before continuing, "and there's some mixed with the pop in the fridge…"

He gets up immediately, first walking to the fridge and dumping the soda down the drain, and next walking away from her toward the places that she mentioned. She watches him pour bottles down the drain and somehow finds the will to stop her tears as she thinks to herself about how she did this to herself… to them. How she was weak, and certainly not the woman she had convinced herself she had become.

When he sits back down after taking the trash out, he places his hands on her knees, sitting across from her, "Is that it?"

She nods with her jaw set in a tight clench.

"Is it because I was gone?" he asks, breaking her heart.

"I… can't." she sputters out, not wanting him to blame himself for what happened, but also not wanting him to know the truth.

"Mac, you've got to tell me what's going on… something happened while I was gone. I thought that you were okay with everything. You didn't say that you weren't okay with everything. I knew that I should have pushed you the other day. You weren't sounding right, and I should have said something else, I should have asked you what was wrong again."

He's blaming himself already, so she knows that it has to come out now. She can't help the tears from falling now as she sits back up in her chair and holds onto her stomach as if willing the baby that she lost to be there… willing this to be a happy moment for the two of them.

"I was pregnant…"

"You were what?" he says, swallowing as his eyes go wide realizing the implications of how she phrased that statement.

"I didn't know about it until I was losing the baby… but I was about six weeks along and they were delivering the furniture and there was this pain. That is how I got to know Jenna. When Matt was delivering the furniture, he noticed that there was something wrong. At the time, I could barely stand upright and I think I looked pretty worse for wear, so he insisted that he get someone to take me to the hospital."

"You're okay though… are you physically okay?" he asks, wanting her to understand that he was concerned more for her health than anything at this point.

"When they did the ultrasound, there was still tissue remaining. They had to get it out because I told them that I couldn't wait for it to pass. Can you believe that they give you a choice? You could wait to see if the tissue passes on its own… I just… I couldn't relive… but the doctor says that I'm fine. They don't know why I miscarried."

He puts his face in his hands for a moment, letting everything sink in, and when he comes back up to face her, his eyes are rimmed with tears.

"Sarah, why didn't you tell me?" he says, so quietly and with such emotion that she can barely stand it.

"We both wanted the miracle… in the back of both of our heads I think we were thinking that we would be able to do the kid thing on our own… and we had it for a split second and we didn't even know it… and then it was gone. I lost our son or daughter and it was just too much. I couldn't tell you because I was ashamed."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't know you were pregnant in the first place and you just told me that they don't know why it happened."

He reaches for her then, but she stands up to pace for a moment before leaning up against the kitchen island. She doesn't want him to be close to her right now, she doesn't want to need him like that. If she needs him… if she gives in to his comfort, it's all over and she can't do what she knows she needs to do.

"We went out to dinner one night and Jenna ordered wine and I just said that I wanted the same… and it was the first time that I could forget about everything. I threw myself into getting the house ready and that was enough initially. Then it all started creeping in and we had the dinner… so then I would chase the work on the house with a shot or so of whatever I could get to calm myself down or stop the ideas from creeping up. Then, when you got home, I thought that I could take care of it on my own…."

"Until I talked about the kids and the puppy this afternoon in the Commissary." He says, standing up and making his way over to her.

He has to force his arms around her as she resists him with all she has, "No, Harm… you shouldn't love me like this. I'm a drunk and apparently a horrible mother because our own child didn't want to even be. You can't still love me… so I'll make it easy for you."

When she wrestles herself out of his embrace, she takes the rings off her left hand and places them on the counter before walking upstairs. She made the decision while they were in the car. He deserved better than this and she wasn't going to put him through what her mother went through with a drunk for a spouse.

He grabs both off the counter and follows after her a few minutes, knowing that she needed to cool down a little bit before he came up to her. She's packing up a suitcase when he walks into the bedroom.

"Sarah Rabb, you aren't going anywhere, because I love you…" he says, coming up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist and then place the rings back on her finger. "I love you and I loved that baby that we didn't get to meet as much as you did. He or she wasn't meant to be, so we have to wait for our next opportunity, if you want that. We will find you meetings to go to, we'll talk to Jenna and Matt about what happened tonight because she is your friend and she needs to know. You and I aren't walking out on each other. We've done that before and it just landed us back at the beginning… but every time we ended with each other. We aren't running now… ever… I haven't had enough time with you. We haven't gotten a chance to have our family and do all the old married couple things that seem like things we would hate but we have to do them in our life. We're getting through this."

"You should hate me." She says quietly, nearly shaking as the tears spill out of her.

"But I don't, and I never will. You're everything to me and I've got a whole future wrapped up in you."

She turns then, looking him in the eye and seeing the raw emotion there before letting her walls come crumbling down and falling into him. She was absolutely broken, and since the night she had left the hospital, she hadn't allowed herself to feel it at all.

They sit on the floor with him holding her as she cries for another hour or so before she finally calms down enough to speak again, "I'm so sorry about the baby."

"You have nothing to be sorry about… I'm sorry that I wasn't here for you when you needed me."

"You didn't know."

"Still…" he says, truly feeling guilty about not being there for her.

"Harm, if you could have only heard my thoughts in that moment, watching the doctor with the ultrasound searching for something I didn't think would ever be there. Then when she found it, she just put her hand on mine and gave me this look of… of pity. I just had these thoughts running through my head of all the things I shouldn't have been doing because I was pregnant, like moving the entire house by myself or painting all the rooms… Maybe it was the stress of everything… I just… I wanted it. I wanted it so bad once I knew I could have had it."

He lets the tears fall again as she confesses her thoughts, opening up to him about what she had felt at the time. If he told her how he felt, it would be the same thoughts. He wanted the family and knew that it was going to be hard for the two of them to get that. The fact that it had been within reach was too hard to think about.

"So, what do you want to do now?" he asks quietly, still holding her close.

"I want to be back where we were when we first got here. I want to talk about all of it again."

"Okay, so we talk."

"I didn't realize how hard it was going to be leaving the Corps and I didn't realize how badly I wanted to start a family until I realized that it was a possibility and then it was taken from me."

"So, we take it step by step. Do you want to go back to the Corps?"

"I've thought about it, but I can't leave you. I know that you were willing to drop the Navy for me, but I'm never going to ask you to do that. So, No. But I do want to find something to do with my time that will make me feel like I'm doing some good."

"And a family?" he asks, worried about the fact that it was a trigger for her.

" I need to get help with my alcohol again so we can start talking about a family."

"That is something that you want right away?"

"The doctor that saw me the morning after the miscarriage told me that she didn't agree with my doctor at Bethesda, and the fact that we were able to conceive without any help was something she thought was very promising. She just doesn't know if the miscarriage was because of my endometriosis or not."

"In other words, you could get pregnant and lose the baby again."

"Yes."

"But you still want to do this? You still want to try?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"As soon as we can." She says as if it was the most obvious answer.

"Mac, I want this just as bad as you do, but I really think we should wait until we get on our feet with everything else. Get the house settled, go see someone about the drinking, and maybe even go see someone about the two of us. You just said that you want to get help with your alcohol before we really sit down and talk babies, but I think there is more that we need. I know that we said in Washington that it was all going to slip out from under us, and it did. We need that footing, and you were right. We couldn't have seen this part coming though."

"You want to see a marriage counselor? We've been married for less than two months and you are not the guy that wants to talk about your feelings." She says, confused that he would put something like that on the table and laughing at the last part.

"It isn't because I think there is anything wrong, but I think we both have stuff that we need to talk through to get us where we need to be, you know? We have this huge past behind both of us and no matter what we do, it comes back. And we have these plans for the future that I think we are both ready for but our heads are getting in the way. We're so good at talking to each other, but something still isn't setting with both of us, and maybe someone can help with that."

"I never thought I would drink again… even after what had happened with Dalton I looked at everything and realized how stupid I had been. The night I got back after drinking with Jenna, I threw up and I felt so guilty about the whole thing. Then the next morning, a nurse called to follow up from the week before and I got in the car and went to the store on autopilot. Even after so many years."

"We all have triggers that make us do stupid things… don't you remember me firing a gun in the courtroom?"

"And what was that trigger?" she says, the first real smile coming to her face in the past few hours.

"I hadn't lost a case yet, and I wasn't going to lose it to a girl… let alone a Marine."

"A Marine and girl you ended up marrying sailor."

"I'd do all of it over again, Sarah… but I wonder if we would have been better off figuring it out right away."

"And skipping ejecting out of a Russian MIG? Nah."

They sit for a minute, letting the jokes fall off their shoulders as they think ahead to what they have to do going forward.

"What do you want to do next?"

"I think I need to go to a meeting, and then I want to see about a counselor. In a month or so I also want to talk to the doctor about the possibility of having children in the near future."

"Only if the counselor says that it is a good idea."

"Agreed."

"And in the immediate hour?"

"I want to sleep. I want to go to bed and wake up in your arms and know that everything is going to work itself out because we're Harm and Mac… the unstoppable duo."

"The unstoppable duo? Really?" he says, laughing.

"Everyone said it was inevitable, you and me… so I guess that's what you could say."

"I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too, Harm."


	11. Doctor's Orders

**Author's Note:**

**Here is my little update for this fic. I'm going to be doing a few different ones that involve this whole situation with them, where they can talk things out. I hope you enjoy and review if you would like! Thanks for reading!**

"Harm, Sarah, I'm Doctor Miller. It is very nice to meet you." The man says, stepping into the waiting room to meet the nervous couple.

Mac extends her hand first, "Everyone just calls me Mac… we appreciate you fitting us in."

Then with a handshake with Harm, the doctor leads them into his office. The couches were plush and the paint and surroundings instantly reminded both of them of Mac's apartment in D.C. The walls had a pale shade of beige to them and wood furniture was dark, and it was inviting.

"Why don't you sit down and tell me about yourselves. Sarah… oh… Mac let me in on why we're here today when she set up the appointment, but no more than that, so I want to know about the two of you. How did you meet?"

"We were assigned to the same case when I was a Lieutenant Commander and she was a Major in the Marines." Harm offers up to the doctor.

"So you're both military then?"

"Harm is still in, but I resigned my commission." Mac says simply.

"What made you decide to leave the Marines?"

"I didn't necessarily want to, but both of us couldn't stay in if we wanted to get married because of new assignments."

"So you got different assignments and chose to keep up the relationship instead of keeping the job standings?"

They turn to each other with a smile, knowing that their relationship and how it really came to be was a shock to any outsider. How do you even put to words all that the two had been through over the years and make it not sound like insanity.

"We weren't really in a relationship, but the night before we were both supposed to leave, he proposed and I said yes."

The doctor's eyebrows raise at that, and he asks them to expand on that.

"Harm and I have been partners and friends for years and we always just had this chemistry between the two of us, but we couldn't act on it."

"Because?"

Then they turn to each other with looks that the doctor instantly recognizes as two people who can't make sense of some of their past decisions. The silence lasts for a few minutes before the doctor decides that this is an area worth exploring.

"And that is our starting point." He says when they turn back to him with blank looks. "I assume that the military has rules about dating when you are working together, but something tells me there was more that was holding you back. Mac, what held you back?"

"My past and our situations. We would be in and out with each other and sending these messages between each other that said one thing and then it would change. One of us would want it, and the other couldn't reciprocate because of another relationship or another issue. Then the other would want it finally and the same thing would happen."

"So tell me this… have you always wanted the two of you to be together?"

"After an incident, I had to see someone to debrief myself because I was having a hard time… she seemed to think that I always had him in the back of my mind. I told her that if I had a dollar for every time I had wondered about that thought I'd be rich."

"And again, what did you think?"

"I did. I made some choices that told him that I didn't, but I did."

"What kind of choices?"

"I accepted another man's ring a few years into our partnership. More recently, I told him at one point that we were never going to happen."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think he would ever be ready. We are two very hard headed people used to being in the driver's seat and it wouldn't work."

"Harm, what do you think about all that?" he says, making a note before turning to Harm for a response.

"She's right about all of it. I think that every time I was ready, she wasn't. Every time she was, I wasn't. We couldn't meet at the same time. The few times we thought we had, something came along to ruin it."

"And what about you? Have you always wanted the two of you to be together?"

"It took a year or so, but yes."

"And it was instantaneous for you, Mac?"

"I would say the same as him. We were always friendly and then one day I just saw him in a different way." She says, remembering the first time she looked at him and felt the sparks.

"So Mac, tell me three things you thought stood in the way of the two of you being together all those years."

"Oh, he knows that it was other relationships, our job, and his father."

"Harm, what do you think?"

"Her past, our job, and Brumby."

"I do understand the job part of this, but the others you are going to have to fill me in on. Harm, what does your father have to do with you and Mac?"

"He was MIA in Vietnam, and it was something that I carried with me the first few years we were working together. At one point she flew halfway around the world with me and risked her life to help me find him. She was there when I learned how he died. I admit that it was an obsession of mine."

"Why did you go with him, Mac?"

She sits for a moment after the doctor asks, trying to come up with an idea as to why she went with him then. "It meant a lot to him to find his father. He needed someone and I spoke the language. I wanted to put myself into a new light for him… I wanted him to know that I would always be there for him. I had already realized that my feelings for him were more than we were letting on. I loved him and I knew that he needed that support around him, whatever the outcome."

"Okay, and he mentioned your past being in the way. You mentioned when you spoke with me about your alcoholism. Is that what he is talking about?"

"Partly, but there are other issues that have led me to keep people at a distance. My father was a drunk and beat my mother on a regular basis. When I turned fifteen, she abandoned me, and left me with him. He died a few years ago and sent for me while he was dying and I just couldn't forgive him until the priest at the hospice showed that he had been keeping tabs on me. I knew then that he had loved me, but he never made the effort to find me or come to me when he was alive. I saw my mother for the first time since she left that day too. Talking with her made me realize that she would always abandon me and anything she cared about. I guess I've always thought that I was a little like her in that way."

"How does that apply to your relationship with Harm?"

"I'm worried that even though he loves me, he'll leave me somehow. Or, I worry that I'll leave him too."

"But I won't." Harm says, turning towards her, "You and I have been through enough to show you that I won't leave you, Mac. I couldn't."

"I've told you that my heart knows that, Harm. My brain just can't seem to understand why anyone would stay when everyone else has always left."

"And I know that you think you would leave. You tried it the other day… but now we know that I'm not going to let you go. We've got to know that about each other."

They are all quiet for a moment, letting that thought sink in.

"The two of you are in a lot better place than you think you are. I understand from listening why you wanted to talk to someone, but it is very clear to me that you love each other very much. You have a bumpy past, but it is a past that you aren't hiding from each other, which is important. I think that individually you each need to come to terms with things in your past before you can let go of some things between the two of you."

They nod their heads and Harm reaches over to join his hand with hers.

"Where do you want this to go?"

Looking at each other for a moment, Harm decides to talk first, "I want her to be confident in what we have. I want to be able to communicate with her better, and I know that we both want to get to a place where we can start trying for a family."

"Mac?" the doctor says, turning to her after jotting down Harm's goals.

"I want to be in a good place to start trying for our family, I want to trust him more, and I want to put my past behind me."

"These all sound like attainable goals to me. It may take us more than a few times to sort through everything in the past, but I know that we can get the two of you communicating in a better way than before. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great." Harm says, and Mac nods after him.

"And now, I'd like for the two of you to do an assignment for next week. I want you to write down the three biggest fears you have. It doesn't have to be with each other, but the three biggest fears you have for the future. Then we'll talk about it next week, but don't share before then."

Harm and Mac stand up, shaking his hand before walking out to their car. It had been a trying few weeks and they both realized more than ever how much they needed to rely on each other.

"I liked him." She says buckling her seatbelt and turning to him.

"I did too. We do have a lot to talk about though… he's right."

"I just thought that we were good with so much though, you know? I thought that once the two of us were together that all that other stuff would fall away."

"I know, but apparently we need to talk more about all of that." He says, knowing that it was hard for both of them to get through talking about any of that. They never had any kind of relationship before each other with family or friends where they could talk through some of these things.

"You and I have always been good with each other on the easy stuff, but I guess the hard stuff wasn't something that came up."

They timed their session so that when they got out, Harm could take her over to an AA meeting. He sat in the car and worked on paperwork and she worked through what had happened the past month. She had told him that she had wanted to go to the meetings, but she couldn't bring herself to go after years of being so in control of everything. With all the craziness that the two of them went through, the fact that she hadn't slipped up before astounded her when this hit. When she admitted that she couldn't take herself, he found a group that met at a time where he could take her and work while she went.

They were small steps, but they were steps in the right direction.


	12. New Friends

**Author's Note: Looking at this chapter, it is just a short filler for the next set of things that are going to happen. Just a small update to let you know that I'm still working on things at what seems to be a snail's pace. Hopefully the weekend and Thanksgiving break will help me get some writing done. Enjoy and review if you would like!**

The next morning, Harm left for work and Mac had invited Jenna over for lunch to talk about what had happened those few Fridays before. Mac had been able to claim she was sick while she worked through what she wanted to tell Jenna about her situation. She remembers how easy it had been to tell Harm she was an alcoholic, meeting for the first time and letting him know about her Uncle taking her to dry out. Now, it didn't seem as easy to tell someone else.

Jenna's knock to the door, startled Mac, who was chopping setting out the salad for their lunch.

When she got to the door, Jenna greeted her with a hug and well wishes, "I'm so glad you're feeling better! I felt like I gained this awesome friend finally and then she just vanished off the face of the earth. You okay?"

"I'm fine, actually, but I wanted to talk to you about something while we ate." She says, nodding and trying to reassure her new friend.

"Are you pregnant?" Jenna asks with an eyebrow raised and a glance to Mac's stomach.

The word slammed her for a minute and she forced herself to realize that when someone of child bearing age claims to have a stomach bug for a few weeks, one would come to that conclusion. She takes a few deep breaths and sighs, but remembers that the other woman knew nothing of what had happened before, so she smiles and shakes her head to the negative.

"Okay, then what's up?" she says, sitting down at the table while Mac sits across from her.

"Why don't we eat first?" Mac suggests, but can tell that Jenna senses something bigger is at work here.

"Why don't you talk to me now, because I'm going to worry the whole time we're eating if you don't."

"I'm an alcoholic." She blurts out, much like she did when she and Harm worked that first case together. She figured that it worked out fine then, so why not use the same tactic now.

"But you—"

"I know. I actually started slipping that night we went out to dinner after working on the house. It was right after the hospital and-"

"Oh my God, I was the one who suggested the wine… Sarah, why didn't you tell me! I was so stupid." She says, interrupting and Mac can tell that she's upset with the revelation.

"No, you weren't. Usually it isn't a problem for me. Harm used to drink around me all the time, as did all our friends. I just… it was that day that you took me to the hospital. I hadn't known that I was pregnant and I had been told a little over a year ago that I probably wouldn't be able to conceive. I was around six weeks pregnant and was miscarrying the day Matt came to move the furniture in. The whole situation shook me more that I thought it would, and with Harm gone, I didn't have anyone that I could really talk to. I turned to the drinking that night and regretted it. Then someone called to follow up on how I was doing, and I realized that I needed the peace that the drink would give me. It sort of spiraled out of control and when Harm came home I was keeping it hidden pretty well."

"Until the night you came over and I mentioned the wine." She says, going through all the times that they had shared a cocktail while Harm was gone and she had come over to the house to help Mac with something.

Mac nods, "he figured it out then and we had to leave. I'm sorry about that."

"And now?"

"Now, I'm going on one week and five days of sobriety and Harm and I are working through everything that happened."

"What do you need from me?" Jenna asks in the very matter of fact way that Mac has come to appreciate her for, much like the way Harriet used to deal with things.

"I just need a friend. My only other close girlfriend is back in D.C. and I couldn't call her about this. They all know about the past drinking, but they don't know about the miscarriage and what happened after that."

"I can do that." Jenna says with a confident nod.

"Jenna, I totally understand if you go running for the hills with this. You just met me and this was a lot to unload to you. It is also totally unlike me to do this…so I'm clearly in need of a girlfriend here."

"Well, you are in luck that I just happen to be needing a friend as badly as you do."

"You're really okay?" Mac asks, knowing that this was a lot for a new friend to take on.

"Are you going to tell me when something is too much?"

"Yes."

"And are you going to let me know when you need something and Harm can't be that person?"

"Yes."

"Then we're good." She says, pulling the napkin from its ring and placing it on her lap before serving herself some salad like it was any other lunch date. "and let's eat!"

Mac just smiles and thinks of Harriet and how she probably would have said the same things to her if she were here. It was a rocky start to a friendship, but good.

"So, can I ask you something?" Jenna starts as the two get into their meal.

"Sure."

"It's about the pregnancy and everything, so if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

She takes a breath before answering, "I need to learn how to talk through it, so ask me what you want. I'll tell you if I need to stop for a minute."

"Why did they think you couldn't conceive?"

"I have endometriosis and my scarring is apparently pretty bad. When another doctor saw me after I miscarried though, she seems to think that since I was able to conceive on my own once, that I can possibly do it again."

"So are you guys going to try for it?" She asks, picking at her salad.

"We are, but we're talking through our other stuff with someone and I'm going to meetings now. Harm and I both agreed that we want to have a good foundation before we start on that route."

"From what you told me about your relationship, you guys had an excellent foundation."

"As friends, we do. As more than that, we still need work."

Jenna nods and continues eating her food, growing quiet after her question to Mac. After a few minutes, Mac notices the silence as being more uncomfortable than normal and notices the picking at the salad.

"The whole thing is too much for you, isn't it?" she asks, and the other woman looks up.

"No, it… it isn't. It really isn't. I ummm… we said we'd be honest with each other, right?"

"Right…"

"I can't have kids… that's why I asked you about why you couldn't conceive. I thought we would be able to commiserate that one together." Jenna says with a half-hearted smirk in Mac's direction. "I had to have a hysterectomy about three years ago, right before I met Matt. They originally thought that it was endometriosis like you, but it was just a bad case of fibroid tumors. No matter how hard they tried when I was younger, they kept coming back and they kept becoming more and more painful until I couldn't deal with it any more."

"Is that something you guys wanted?" Mac asks, hesitating before doing so because she thought it might be too much for Jenna as well.

"We talked about it when we were dating and he had said that he was more than okay if we wanted to adopt. After he said it, I broke up with him and told him that he deserved something better than me."

"And obviously that didn't stick."

"The next day, he showed up at my apartment with a ring and told me that I wasn't going to be able to get rid of him that easily because he had already fallen too in love with me for anything else to stick."

"Do you ever think about the guys we married? I know Harm and I had our issues, but I can actually feel how much he loves me when he looks at me… and Matt… that is the grandest romantic gesture I've ever heard."

"Most women would kill us for both of them." Jenna says, agreeing with Mac's assessment.

"I'm a former Marine, so I've got your back."

"Good to know." She replies, articulating the statement by point her fork at the former Marine in question.

"Okay, so what are your thoughts now? Are you going to think about adopting?" Mac asks, getting back to their original topic of discussion.

"I do want it. Now that I'm a bit older and settled with a great man, I want a family."

"Go for it then."

"What about you guys?"

"Harm and I made a deal three years into our relationship that we would go halves on a baby. We were standing on the steps of JAG watching our best friends get loaded into an ambulance after having our Godson A.J. Harm was leaving to go back to a squadron and I was feeling bad about everyone leaving for better things. He was the one who suggested it, and I just remember thinking that we were crazy. So we said that five years down the road, if neither of us were in a relationship, we would make it happen."

"Why does that not surprise me?" she asks, shaking her head at the marvel of their relationship just having met the pair,"…And five years later?"

"Five years later, a week before our Godson's birthday, was when I found out about the endometriosis and the chances of conceiving. Harm brought up our deal not knowing about the diagnosis, and then when I told him, I had thought it just changed everything. Then he started talking about fertility drugs and procedures and adoption. He said that he didn't care how it happened as long as it happened between the two of us."

"You didn't happen though."

"I turned him down." Mac says, throwing up her hands as if to say that she didn't believe it herself.

"Why?"

"Ah, well that is why we're in counseling… I have no idea. I do, but I really don't know why. Now that we've gotten married and we talked more about it, we're going to try the natural way and then definitely work toward adoption if it doesn't happen in the next two years."

"Sounds like a plan for you."

"And what about you?" Mac says, reaching across the table to cover her friend's hand.

"I feel like I'm ready for it, but I don't know."

"So look into it and see what you're thinking then. It is a long process anyways, and there are lots of things that you guys will have to talk about through that process. You'll figure out if it's right for you then."

"You really think so?"

"Well, if you're my only friend, then I wouldn't mind another kid around mine whenever I get him or her."

"Thanks." She says with a laugh.

When they look back years later, Mac knows that they'll smile about the conversation they had at lunch that afternoon. In fact she is pretty sure that taking it day by day the way they are doing right now is going to work out for the best anyways. She and Harm had made it this far… made it into this life without being blown up, shot, drowned, or any other way in which the two of them cheated death. She was sure that they would be able to survive moving to the suburbs and being a married couple.


	13. Three Day Weekend

**Author's Note: The holidays are finally over, and I'm GLAD! Here's a little update for the fic. I hope you enjoy it and I hope you review if you would like to let me know your thoughts. Enjoy!**

"How did lunch go today with Jenna? Did the two of you talk?" he asks, settling into bed that evening and grabbing Mac to him in a comfortable grip.

"We did," she says from her spot resting her head on his chest, "It was hard to have it all come out, but necessary. She is totally supportive. In fact, I found out that she and I share the kid thing in common… only she has no chance of conceiving."

"Why?"

"Something from when she was younger. We talked about adoption."

"Is that something that they are working on?"

"I think she might bring it up to Matt."

"Matt's a nice guy, I'm sure that he'll be open to the idea." Harm says nodding.

"Why do I have a feeling you guys talked about this?"

"He asked me about if we were thinking about kids when we were on our run the other day, and I told him that it was going to be hard for us to have a baby… I didn't give him details, but then he told me that they couldn't. He's worried about bringing it up to her."

"Adoption?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then I hope she does end up talking to him about it. It reminds me of us…. Everyone said that they knew but us."

"Speaking of which, when do you want to have everyone out to celebrate the wedding?"

"You still want to do that?" she says with a raised eyebrow.

"Do I still want the whole world to know that I landed a woman as beautiful as you for my wife? Hell yes! I'll invite people I don't know just to show you off."

"Harmon Rabb, you're obnoxious." She says with a smack to his chest.

"No, I'm just truthful. I think we should have everyone come see the new digs and celebrate."

"Maybe I'll call Harriet tomorrow and see what she thinks about the idea. You know how much she loves helping plan things like this."

"Well, between her and Jenna, I'm pretty sure you won't have to lift a finger."

Mac just smiles at that, and he knows that it was her plan all along, which earns her a squinted eye stare in response, "You know I don't like stuff like that."

"I do know that, but you would think that being married to me would be something you want to celebrate."

"It is, I would just rather celebrate it with you… repeatedly… naked."

"Don't you think that we've done that enough?" he says with a laugh.

"Well, we're practicing for when we can actually try for that little Rabb, so we might as well make it more often."

"Who knew that you would be like this… I should have married you a long time ago. We could have been doing this all along."

She kisses him then, crawling up and placing her hands on his chest, "I don't know if the Admiral would have approved."

"If he knew what I knew, the man would have approved. Trust me." He says, leaning up to kiss her again as they fall into the new but familiar course of the evening.

An hour later, they lay together with smiles on their faces.

"We are only getting better at that…" she says with a sigh.

"I should hope so."

"I love you Harm, you know that?"

"I do, and I love you too…"

"I'm sorry it took us so long to say that to each other." She admits quietly.

"I am too, Sarah… I am too."

Those were the last words they spoke before giving into sleep for the rest of the evening.

When Harm gets home the next day he is met with a very smiley ex-Marine.

"What has you so happy?"

"The three day weekend."

"Oh really? Do you have plans for this three day weekend?"

"I do."

"I don't seem to remember planning anything."

"That is because you didn't and I did. We're going downtown for the weekend and I've got plans for the Art Museum and the Shedd Aquarium, and a hotel on Michigan Avenue for tonight, Saturday, and Sunday."

"What about meetings?" he asks and she smiles.

"I knew that you would ask that, which is why I have talked to someone at my meeting here to be my sponsor. If anything comes up where I need to talk, they are ready for me. I've been feeling a lot better with everything, and I really do think I'll be fine for the weekend."

"I agree."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence."

"Always… so when do we leave?"

"Train leaves from the Libertyville station at 7:18, so get your stuff packed for the weekend and let's ship out Navy."

By the time he gets ready to go she has turned all the lights off in the house and is waiting for him at the front door with her weekend bag in hand.

"Clearly, you wanted to leave this weekend." He says with a smirk coming down the stairs.

"I just wanted to have a weekend with just the two of us and some fun. We've been so deep in everything that has happened and before that it was transitioning. I feel like we're finally settled in a place that we can take a weekend for each other."

"I'm so glad you planned it for us. It'll be a nice break." He says grabbing her bag.

"Harm." She says with a disapproving scowl

"You are no longer a Marine, so you can't use your 'I'm a Marine, I can carry my own bag' line on me. Let me be the gentleman this weekend. Let's just be an adorably in love married couple that people want to watch on the street." He replies with a kiss to her cheek before walking out the door in front of her.

"If everyone only knew how much of a sap you are."

"That is just between the two of us."

The hour long train ride into Chicago passed quickly, with all the sights. They saw the city come into view with all of its lights and a beautiful skyline and both of them were content to watch the scenery roll by. When they got to Union Station it took them a little bit to orient themselves, but they got out on Jackson and Mac insisted that they walk to their hotel.

"Mac, it is more than a few city blocks."

"I know, but we can walk past the Sears Tower on our way, we go over the river, we pass State Street."

"All of these things would happen if we were in a cab too. And wouldn't you rather see all those things in the day time?"

"Harm, can we please just walk? We'll see them on the way back in the day when we come home, but I just want to walk tonight too." she says, using the brown eyes he fell in love with to convince him that they should walk.

It didn't take them too long, navigating the city streets, passing under the EL, and finding their hotel on Michigan Avenue. By the time they got to their hotel room, Harm was already ready to end their evening.

"Can we just do room service tonight Mac? I know that you wanted to experience the city, but I'm beat from today, and I have a feeling that the Aquarium and the Art Institute are going to be plenty of walking in the next few days."

"As long as you let me order a hamburger." She bargains with a raised brow and a pointed finger, giving in because she knew he had a long day.

"You're on…. But will you at least eat some salad with it?"

"Only for you will I subject myself to such things."

They eat and flip through the brochures in their room before deciding a few different places to eat in the next few days.

"There's one place that they are mean to you… we could go there."

"They're mean to you?"

"Apparently they're supposed to be. It's like a play acting kind of thing… sounds amusing."

"That sounds like a fun place to take Harriet and Bud when they come visit."

"There's a dueling piano bar a bit north that we could check out tomorrow night."

"I would probably really enjoy that."

"Which is why I brought it up." She says with a look and a smile in his direction from her perch at the small desk in their room.

"We could just eat at the Art Institute tomorrow for lunch while we're walking around and then see what we pass on the way there to decide on dinner. Then dessert at Howl at the Moon?"

"You are really enjoying this, aren't you?" He says with an amused grin.

"I am. I feel like I've been cooped up at home for too long and this was a great change of pace."

"You and I have never gotten to do this part, you know?" he says, standing up from his spot and coming to take a place behind her.

"What do you mean?" she asks, still glancing through the brochures when he comes to place his hands on her shoulders to get her attention.

"The dating… the first weekend away together. We jumped right in, didn't we?"

"We did."

"Does it bother you that you didn't get that? Honestly?" he asks, knowing that part of him wishes that he had given her every piece of that.

She sets the brochure on the desk and turns to wrap her arms around his neck before answering him, "Harm… when I think about all the dating I've done, it has always been this forced encounter where you are trying to hold someone's attention while at the same time, you're trying to figure out what they're all about too. I was telling Jenna that you and I had this great foundation as friends, while we needed to work on the us part. That's why the dating wasn't important though, because we fit each other so well in the day to day that it would have seemed like we were just doing the same we always did."

"With the added benefit of making out."

She rolls her eyes at the comment but continues, "Yeah, but I think of you and me and our relationship and we are anything but normal. We wouldn't know what normal was."

"So what is this then?" he says gesturing around the room.

"A happy, in love, married couple enjoying some time to themselves for the first time."

"I've got an idea…" he says smiling after she says that.

"What is it?"

"You and I didn't get our honeymoon, you know?"

"No, we didn't, but we needed to move and get—" she starts before he cuts her off with a finger to her lips.

"I'm saying that we should just treat this like our honeymoon of sorts."

"What exactly will that entail?"

"More practicing?" he says with a grin and they finish off their evening tangled in each other.

Apparently during the summer time the Aquarium is the place to be and they are forced to wait in a long line outside the building with the city's skyline stretched out behind them. Their second day in the city was already proving to be hot and sticky.

"This really is a beautiful part of the city, the aquarium, the stadium, and the museum all in one set spot."

"I think that the Planetarium is over here too, actually." He says pointing off in another direction.

"How long do you think this line is going to take?"

"I have no idea, why?"

"Because this Marine is already starting to get hungry, and I don't think I can wait until we get inside."

"I think I saw a couple of vendors while we were walking over her, do you want to go grab something and come back?"

"You don't mind me ditching you for a hot dog?"

"Hey, you stayed out with me well into the night at that piano bar last night, so the least I could do is wait here and give you a few bucks for some hot dogs."

"You really did have a good time over there, didn't you?"

"You know how much I love music, Mac, and those guys could make a piano rendition of darn near everything that people threw at them."

"It was kind of amazing." She says with a nod and a smile.

"So go get something to eat and I'll be waiting."

She kisses him on the cheek before leaving for some food.

She makes her way back to the vendors, enjoying the walk in the warm summer air. While she's standing in line, she notices the man in front of her drop some crumpled cash out of his pocket. He glances down and appears to see it, but doesn't pick it up, so she takes the opportunity to get it for him.

"Sir, you dropped this." she says smiling as she hands it back to him, noticing his US Army cap as he turns.

"Thank you ma'am. I really appreciate it."

When they start moving forward she notices his limp and realizes that the gentleman couldn't bend down to retrieve the money, which was why he left it down on the ground.

"Are you still in?" she asks him, nodding toward his hat.

"No ma'am, I got discharged after an accident in Iraq."

"I'm sorry to hear that soldier. Where were you at?"

"Baghdad, ma'am." He says with confidence.

"Part of me wished I wasn't a JAG during all this combat. I would have been over there with you."

"Army?"

"No, former Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, United States Marine Corps." She says, putting her hand out for him to shake.

"Sergeant Frank Wallace, US Army." He replies, taking her hand in his.

"Nice to meet you. I did some time over there because I can speak the language, and was overseas when a friend lost his leg on some mines near a new school we built. You did a great service."

"I appreciate that, ma'am."

"And what are you doing now, Sergeant?" she asks and catches his off set look.

He was saved when the man in front of him finishes his order and it is his turn. That is when she has the time to take it all in. His clothing wasn't pressed and washed like most retired military men still wore it, and his shoes were worn thin. He counts through the dollars that she had handed him and searches the menu before she steps in.

"You know what soldier, you made my day by telling me about your service, so let me buy you your meal today. I think we'll take four hot dogs, two bags of chips, three apples, and three bottles of water please." She says to the man before opening her purse and putting her credit card out in front of the cashier.

"Ma'am, you didn't have to do that. It's too much." He says, starting to blush.

"Marines say never leave a man behind." She says, and he gives her a silent nod in recognition of her gesture.

She hands him two of the hot dogs, a bag of chips, an apple, and a bottle of water before taking out a piece of paper to write down her name and their number at home.

"My husband is a Captain up at Great Lakes, and we both worked JAG for years. If you aren't getting what you need from the Army, let us know. I know that it's hard to ask for help, and I'm not ordering you to do it because… well, while I did outrank you, I'm not in any more and neither are you. You deserve the help."

He looks at her a moment before taking the piece of paper from her outstretched hand and nods.

"I may take you up on that offer ma'am, but I've tried to figure it all out before… I don't think that there is help for me."

"If you choose to take me up on that, then I might be able to help you." She says, turning to walk away and get back to Harm.

The man watches her walk away with a small smile on his face. Many had said thank you to him over the years in passing, and he had tried to get help before, but it wasn't what he needed. It was exactly what Mac needed though. She had heard of people who got out of the military and didn't know their rights or their benefits on leaving, but had never seen someone outside of the JAG office that was dealing with it. Why couldn't she use what she knew about the military and the legal system to help people like that?

When she gets back to Harm in the line, her look is far away and he notices her distracted state, "Mac, what took you so long?"

"I um… I think I know what I want to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I think I figured out something that I want to do that will still have me working with the military, but in a different capacity."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She says with a smile and he gets the feeling that she needs to think through some different things before she shares with him what happened and her ideas for the future.


	14. Another Session

**Author's Note: It has been an incredibly stressful week, so I decided to post a few chapters of things to make my heart happy and hear people's responses to JAG awesomeness. I love that so many people are still into reading and writing JAG fic even though it ended almost ten years ago... it's crazy and awesome all at the same time.**

They strolled around the aquarium for hours looking at the different exhibits and checking out the various shows and presentations they had going on before Mac notices that Harm's eyes are starting to look a bit tired.

"You want to go back to the hotel?" she asks, and he looks down at her with a pleading look.

"Mac, I have loved being here, and getting to spend some time with you, but do you think we could spend our last day of the long weekend at home?"

"You want to go home tonight instead?"

"I really do. I feel like we haven't gotten a chance to really relax there either. We spent Friday night here, yesterday we did the Art Museum and the piano bar, and today we did the aquarium. We're just an hour away… we can come back another weekend for the rest."

She agrees and they start walking out of the aquarium, met with a line that was just as long as when they came. When they got to where they could, they hailed a cab to take them to the hotel and back to the train station. They had to wait a half hour for the Metra rail that would take them to Libertyville, but made it home a little bit before dinner time.

"What do you want for dinner?" she asks as she is walking up the stairs to their bedroom to unpack her things.

"Why don't we get Chinese food? I still don't think that we've found the best place yet."

"I'm pretty sure that we have tried every Chinese place from Vernon Hills to Gurnee, Harm… what is it you are looking for?"

"D.C.?" he says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"You miss it?"

"I miss it, but only in that I was so comfortable there, you know? It was the only place in my life aside from when I was a kid that I got to stay for more than a few months."

"I get that, but maybe this is going to be that place for us too."

"Maybe you're right."

They call for their food from the place up the road and settle in for an evening together at home.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" she asks, later while they are getting ready for bed.

"Honestly?" he asks and is met with a raised eyebrow from his Marine. "I want to stay in bed with you all morning and well into the afternoon, I want to talk about all those things that we've been talking about including the revelation you had this morning at the Aquarium, and I just want to be us for a little while.

"Yeah, we've been together for only two months and we haven't really enjoyed a leisurely weekend at the house, have we? Every time we had a few moments to spare, they were spent on working on the house or preparing for you to leave for those few weeks."

"Can I just tell you something?"

"Sure?" she says in a questioning tone, not knowing exactly what to expect from him.

"It feels so right. You and I just feel right together and it's something that I can't get over. All those years we spent as just friends were great, but you and me like this is just so much better."

"You just like the sex." She says with a small smile hinting at the corners of her mouth.

"While that is the added benefit, I just notice how well we do in the day to day, you know?"

"Are you forgetting the past few weeks?"

"That made me realize it even more though, Mac. If something like this had happened when you and I were just friends, you know that I would have been right at your side from the beginning."

"You were the last time." She points out, remembering what happened after Dalton had been murdered and she had to deal with the stalker. He was there for her instantly, even with all the rude things she said to him.

"It just boggles my mind the amount of time you and I waited for this with each other."

"That's part of what we're working through with Dr. Miller though… getting past all of that in the beginning."

"Speaking of which, have you thought about our assignment for Tuesday?"

"I have, but I admit that I'm reluctant to talk about it."

"Why?"

"You know how I am about letting people in like that… even you."

"But that is something that we both want to work on, and you know that no matter what you say, I'm still going to love you and care about you."

She thinks for a minute, thinking about the line of conversation stemming from him talking about how settled and fitting the two of them were together. She felt the same way, and knew that he meant what he said about her sharing her fears with him.

"I love you Harmon Rabb."

"And I love you… it took me too long to say it, but I do love you… so much."

When the time came on Tuesday for the two of them to attend their counseling session, they were in a good place. They spent the rest of the weekend lounging around the house, making love, and talking about everything under the sun.

"How did your week go?" Dr. Miller asks when all three of them sit down to talk this week.

"It went well. We took a weekend in the city and saw some sights and then came home and relaxed for a while. We realized that we hadn't really gotten to enjoy being married or even being a couple since we started all of this." Harm says, taking Mac's hand as he says the last part.

"The two of you never really got the dating stage or the couple stage because of going straight into what you are basically in right now. How do you feel about that?" he asks, curious about a couple falling into this so quickly.

"We actually talked about that this weekend, how we fell into things so easily as a couple. We fit almost instantly regardless of the past that we have. The now seems to be exactly what both of us hoped for." Mac answers for both of them.

"That's great for you to be talking about things like this. It is my firm belief that the best way we can move past our histories, which we talked about last time as being a sort of stumbling block for the two of you, is to look toward the future. That is why I had you think about your three biggest fears for the future. I want you to share them with me and each other so we can talk about what they actually say about our past."

"Okay… can I go first?" Mac asks wanting to get things over with and is met with a nod from the Dr. and Harm. "My three biggest fears for the future are not being able to have children, being alone, and not having a purpose."

"Okay, what about you Harm?"

"Mine are not seeing my children grow up, regretting my career choice in terms of what it entails, and losing Mac."

"Okay." Dr. Miller says, pausing for a minute as he watches his two patients absorbing the fears of the other and thinking about what they mean. "What are your thoughts?"

"What do you mean?" Mac asks, breaking the silence first.

"Well… talk about what you heard. Are either of you surprised by any of those fears?"

"I don't know. I think I am, but at the same time I don't think that they came out of left field." Harm says, thinking about the things Mac said.

"Okay, expand on that for her." He says gesturing between the two of them.

"Okay, not being able to have children is something that I know you thought about before, but with the miscarriage, I think it really made you realize how badly you wanted it. Being alone, while I'm sad that you think I would ever leave you, I know that it stems from everyone in your past leaving or not being there for you. Having no purpose though… that is one that I can't really understand."

Mac thinks about what he said for a minute, and tries to come up with an explanation of that last part, "Well, you know how I told you one time that I needed something to put my back up against?"

"You said that was the Corps."

"It was, and then you told me that it could be you, and I know that it is you that I can put my back up against, but you also know me, Harm. I can't be a doting housewife because it isn't in my nature. I'm worried that I'm not going to really find a place for myself now."

"I thought you said that you thought of something you would like to do a few days ago?" Harm reminds her of their stint in the line at the aquarium that weekend.

"I do think I know what I would like to pursue, but I don't know how to make it happen or how I'm going to fit in it."

"Did something happen this weekend that caused you to think of something you would like to do?" Dr. Miller asks, turning toward her.

"When we were in line at the aquarium I left to go get some food and met up with an Army veteran who served overseas. He was injured and walks with a limp. Then upon closer observation, I came to the realization that he wasn't doing too well. His clothes weren't kept well, things looked a bit more worn than they should be. His money was crumpled. I bought him his lunch and he thanked me and I mentioned to him that there were places he could turn for help, and he said that he didn't ever get the help."

"Why did that speak to you?"

She presses her lips together tightly, wondering why it struck a nerve. "I think it's because we came into contact with so many people during our work with JAG. To think that a lot of them could be injured or killed in the line of duty sometimes gets to me. Then to see someone who that happened to, who isn't taking advantage of their rights and privileges as an injured soldier… it's not right. He wasn't a low ranking guy either. He had advanced up the ladder a bit and he still wasn't getting the help he needed."

"So you want to do something to help the veterans?" Harm asks, raising his eyebrows in question.

"I do." She says hesitantly, hoping that he would support the idea.

"Mac, I think that's great! I think that with your law experience and your knowledge of the military, you can really help people fight for the help that they deserve."

"You think I could do it?"

"Did you think that I wouldn't support something like that?" Harm questions, confused as to where she would get that idea from him.

"I didn't think that, I just wasn't sure of myself."

"Mac, you were a senior JAG attorney based in Washington, D.C. and the Chief of Staff under the Judge Advocate General himself. What is there to not be sure of… Hell, you beat me in the courtroom more than I would like to admit. You're an amazing attorney."

The compliments were welcome, but as always she had a hard time coming up with the right response to them. She knew that Harm was being genuine, and part of her believed some of those things he was saying to a degree, but it was still hard.

"Mac, what did you think about what he said?"

"I kind of agree with him that I wasn't really surprised by any of them, because I can trace them back. I just need clarification on that last part. Why do you think you'll lose me?"

"I don't necessarily think that I'm going to lose you. I don't think that you're going to up and leave me or anything like that. I'm just scared of something happening to you. The few times that you have brushed death, I was there to save you. I went after you the first time you fell off the wagon and that asshole was stalking you, I tried to keep you alive when we were stranded with the poachers, I went after you in Paraguay… that's not even the end of it. Mac I've almost lost you too many times to count. I always think about that one time that I'm not there to save you. I would be destroyed."

"You don't think that I've thought the same thing trying to find you after we ejected from that MIG or almost losing you in the Atlantic?" she almost yells, wiping at tears she didn't know had started falling down her face.

It forced her to take a breath, realizing that she had raised her voice at the last comment. When she looked up, she saw the doctor looking at them with a curious stare. Harm saw it at the same time and returned the look.

"I'm sorry, I just…"

"Yeah, most people think that being a lawyer is boring." Harm says with a smirk that makes Mac even crack a smile.

"This is totally unprofessional of me, but how many brushes with death are we talking about here?" he asks with a small laugh.

"We'll just say that you don't have enough fingers and toes." Harm answers.

"Knowing that Mac isn't a Marine anymore though, doesn't that alleviate some of that fear?"

"No. Not at all, because any number of things could happen to her that have nothing to do with our experience in the Military."

"Harm, that's just everyday life though. You can't walk on egg shells thinking that you'll lose me."

"I don't. I don't walk around thinking that this could be the last day, but I do think it every now and then. I can't help it."

"Okay. So, now that the two of you have put these fears out there, I would like each of you to draft a response to each other's fears. Mac, I want you to tell Harm why he shouldn't fear those things anymore. Harm, I want you to do the same. Now this is not saying that you aren't allowed to feel those fears, because everyone is entitled to that. This is, however, trying to explain to you that those fears can be divided in half if you release some of the burden your carrying by letting your spouse help you with the load."

"Thank you." Mac says, rubbing her hands on her thighs and standing up next to her husband. "This really has been helpful."

"You guys are the ones doing all the work. I like all the talking that you're doing, and I'm pretty sure that you've always been great communicators with each other. I think you just needed someone to steer some of the conversations to things that might be a little scarier to talk about."

Harm extends his hand to shake the doctor's and they walk out arm in arm, off to another meeting for Mac and more of the future they hope to have together.


	15. Lucky to Have You

**Author's Note: You know how you set those lofty goals for yourself in hopes of rising to the occasion? Yeah... well you get lots of updates when I set random goals for myself! I hope you enjoy the next installment of this one. I have another one in my head, but it's kind of a stupid little one shot, so I can't decide if I actually want to do it or not... still mulling in my head. Anyways, enjoy and review if you would like!**

The rest of the week went by as usual for the two of them until Harm called home on Thursday requesting Mac's presence at his office.

"What's wrong?"

"I just need you to come in about something."

"Oh, um… okay. You're forgetting that I don't have a car, right? You took it this morning because you knew that Jenna was going to come take me to the grocery store this morning."

"Crap, you're right. We live down the block from a street full of car dealers and we haven't gotten around to getting you a new car."

"Maybe that is something that we can work on this weekend, but for now, what would you like me to do?" Mac asks, still curious as to why he would want her to come in anyway.

"Hold on Mac." He says putting the phone down and walking into the main lobby of his office area where the younger man was waiting.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?"

The younger man shook his head and Harm nodded in acknowledgement before walking back into his office.

"Be ready in fifteen for going out to lunch. You game?"

"You going to tell me what you need?"

"I'm bringing it with us." He says, which causes her to be even more curious.

She's watching for the SUV when it pulls in the driveway and Harm steps out along with another man that she recognizes after a few seconds.

"Sergeant Wallace, I see you took me up on your offer." She extends her hand without skipping a beat.

"I'm sorry ma'am for the intrusion, and you too sir. I lost the piece of paper you gave me with your number on it, and the only thing that I could remember was that your husband works as a Captain at Great Lakes." He explains to both of them.

"Don't worry about it Sergeant. Why don't we all enjoy a meal together and we can talk about what brings you out here." Mac says, putting a hand on his shoulder and gesturing back to the car.

He insists that she gets in front with her husband and after a short discussion about the soldier's favorite fare, they ended up at a small diner in downtown Libertyville.

"Ma'am, I apologize again for doing this." he says as they are waiting for the waitress to return and take their order.

"Sergeant, I'm pretty sure that I was the one who told you to call me if you needed to, so don't you worry about anything. Has something happened?"

"No Ma'am, I just realized that it was time that I got some help."

"Okay, well, why don't we see what we can do to help you out."

After about an hour of talking with the younger man, they realized that since he returned, he hasn't been receiving any kind of medical care including the physical therapy the Army recommended for him after he got back. He was also unable to find a job that he could perform well at and would even consider him given the fact that he had disabilities.

When Harm told the young man that he would pull some strings to put him up on base for a few days until Mac could look into things, his response was that of gratitude and some shame. She saw how proud of a man he was and knew that he had to have hit rock bottom if he was searching for this help.

Later that evening, when he came home, Harm was met at the door with a searing kiss.

"What was that for?" he asked, pulling back and looking into her eyes for the first time that evening.

"For supporting him."

"Mac, all I could think about was Bud. When everything happened to him, all I could think of was what could have happened if he hadn't had the support that he had. He came back to all of us ready to help him. This guy is single, has no family around, and really no support system or friends around him. I don't blame him for having a hard time."

"But don't you think that the Military should have done a better job making sure that he was getting the help he needed after what happened?"

"I do, but at the same time, we don't know if he ever asked for the help." Harm points out and she fades a bit at the words.

"Either way, he needs some help, some support."

"I completely agree with that."

"Can I talk to you about what I found while we eat?"

"Definitely." He says, smiling while taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen for dinner.

They sat down to eat that evening while Mac talked animatedly about an organization she found called The Wounded Warrior Project. The research she did online proved to be something she could put herself behind.

"They don't just council and help with the medical aspects of these different soldiers, but part of it is to provide networks of support. It even includes job training and helping get veterans into different college programs for special training in other fields."

"That sounds amazing." He replies, genuinely impressed with the group.

"They opened up a Chicago branch of the project recently, and I really think I want to call them and talk to them about what I could do to help. I'm sure that they could always use legal advice, and I've decided that I'm going to look into the Illinois bar so I can be an asset in the state and go to trials and things if needed."

"Have you given any more thought to teaching? You mentioned it a while back, and I do agree that your experience in military law really would be an asset to any University."

She thinks for a moment before responding, "For now I want to work on a volunteer level. I want to check into this Wounded Warrior Project and see what I could do there. I'm worried about committing to something like a professor position only because the plan for us is to start a family soon. What if I got the job and then I got pregnant? I don't know how soon or how much stress that is going to be, so I like the flexibility of just volunteering my time."

As she says it, he notices how her voice drops a bit at the end, almost seeming afraid to bring up that part of the conversation.

"How long did the doctor say that we had to wait before we started to try again?" Harm asks, putting a hand on hers across the table.

"They said that I needed to be on birth control for a couple months before we started talking about it again. That doctor that came to see me the next day told me to call when I thought we were ready to go for it again. We're only at about a month now anyways, so it's a moot point."

"It's not. I know that it is on your mind, and it's on my mind too. I'm just wondering if we want to bring it up in our next session with Dr. Miller." He says, knowing that the two agreed to lay all of it out there before they started to try for a family.

She waits for a minute, finishing her food and then standing up to clear her plates from the table. The conversation was throwing her for a loop, and she was getting frustrated at the fact that it was upsetting her given that she brought it up in the first place.

"Mac?" he says, coming up behind her to place his arms around her waist.

"I was the one who even brought it up this time. I just… it's hard to talk about trying when we didn't even really try the first time. I looked into some things about getting pregnant and all the issues that arise. Harm, I don't think that I can handle a sex schedule or shots or all these things… not after we weren't even trying and I was able to get pregnant. When we go to the doctor, I don't want that for us. Everything that I'm reading says that it is so hard on a couple, and I don't think that I can handle that with the two of us."

He turns her around then, knowing that she needed to see his face when he said what he wanted to say next.

"Mac, a while ago, I brought all of this up to you. I did the research and I know some of the things that we could have to go through. I am ready and willing to do any of those things if you want to. I am also willing to put it in God's hands and see what happens. We were able to do it on our own once, so who says that it couldn't happen again? Can I make a suggestion and we can talk it over with Dr. Miller as well to see if he thinks it wise?"

"What's the suggestion?"

"You said that we can't try for another month, right?"

"Right."

"What if we don't really try at all? What if, for a year, we just revel in being together finally? You can go off the pill, and we just leave it up to nature. Maybe a few months in, you're pregnant… maybe you aren't at the end of the year. We just take it off the plate and focus on us, and if it happens then it happens." He says, wondering how she would take that idea.

"Why this way?"

"You just said that you didn't want a schedule or anything like that, and I think that is what they are going to tell us to do. If we go into it tempting fate, then who knows what the outcome can be. I want to start a family with you, Mac, but this way we aren't ruining us trying to get it."

She looks in his eyes, noticing how they show his feelings for her, "so this doesn't have anything to do with stopping the whole idea?"

"No, I want this for us. I just think that we can go about it in a way that is going to work better for the two of us."

"I only have one problem with that idea." She says, having a realization that hurts her a little bit more than she would like.

"What is that?"

"We didn't know before… we weren't really trying and we weren't looking for anything before, and I was pregnant for weeks. I know that they said they didn't know what caused the miscarriage before, but I have to believe that if we would have known, I could have been doing something." She says, still blaming herself a little bit for what had happened.

"So we try to improve our health in the meantime?" he says, and she raises an eyebrow.

"I have a feeling that this is going to mean that I'm eating less red meat."

"Maybe just a little bit. One thing that I was reading about when I was looking into all of this stuff before was that a healthier woman is more likely to have a healthier pregnancy. So, why don't we really work at that and you can take the prenatal vitamins from the get go, and we make sure that we are ready and doing everything right anyway."

"You're serious about this?"

"Mac, if it means that you would worry less and it means that we could possibly get a healthy baby, then yes. The Rabbs are going to keep their PT up and analyze their diet… not that mine was really that horrible."

The afterthought statement earns him a jab in the side as she laughs and then stands on her tiptoes to kiss him heartily for the second time that evening.

"And what was that one for?"

"I'm so lucky to have you."

"You are?"

"I am."


	16. Optimistic

**Author's Note: I was on a roll, so I've been trying to see if I can update every other day for the month... lucky for you and more work for me. Some stories are coming more naturally to me and I go in waves, so here's what you get for now!**

"So, what do you think about this?" Jenna says, placing a picture of a centerpiece in front of Mac.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it's too much."

"Mac, didn't you just get done telling me that all these people have been waiting forever for the two of you to get married? My e-mails with Harriet alone tell me that much without what you said."

"I know that, but I don't want a big thing. Why do you think we got married the way we did?"

At this, the look on her face goes to annoyance, "because your husband was leaving the country and you were retiring from the Marines and you needed to be married… and the whole loving each other part."

Mac just squints her eyes in the direction of her friend as she takes another sip of her water.

"Okay, and can I just make a comment? What is with you and the water here lately. I swear to God that in the two hours I have been here you have drank an entire bathtub." Jenna asks with a laugh and Mac blushes.

"Harm and I are 'not trying'" she says simply, putting air quotes up for her friend.

"Okay… that makes no sense to me."

"Well, not yet, but in a week… we decided that we want to try for a baby, but we aren't going to actually try. We're just going to do what we do and see what happens."

"That doesn't explain the water."

"I like his idea of not really getting into a schedule or getting the doctors really involved or anything like that, but I was worried about getting pregnant and not realizing it like last time, and not doing something right." She says, gesturing with her hands as she goes, while Jenna still looks confused.

"Still not explaining."

"So we decided that we would really work on getting healthy and giving me and us the best possible chance from the get go. Which reminds me… what are your thoughts on running and/or pilates?"

"Oh no… you are not getting me on this ride. I don't sweat unless it is sitting by the pool in the summer."

"But don't you want to look soooo good doing it?" Mac says with pleading eyes.

"No… I like my muffin top."

"Oh stop it, you don't have a muffin top!" She squeals, this time throwing her napkin at her friend.

"No, seriously, I'm looking into the Sports Complex to see what kind of things they are offering and I'm thinking about joining over there."

"What about the base?"

"But then my lovely friend Jenna can't come with me!"

"I will come with you to try it out… on one condition."

"What?"

"You start actually saying yes to some of the things that Harriet and I are planning for this reception."

"Deal... so there's this spinning class that I want to try tomorrow."

Her day is a good one and the doctor called to confirm her appointment for Thursday right before Harm walked in the room, so she had a smile on her face.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Well, I may have convinced Jenna to work out with me during the day, which is wonderful, and we are confirmed for Thursday."

"Good!" he says with a quick kiss to her lips.

"However, I do have some bad news…."

He turns to look at her with concern before the big smile breaks out on her face.

"Jenna just left like an hour ago and I didn't really have time to make dinner… so we are going to have to splurge and go out."

"We are going out, but we are ordering healthy my darling."

"I know… I just like the idea of a little date night in the middle of the week."

"Very nice… and how did your phone call go with Northwestern?" he asks and she smiles again.

"The professor hooked me up with a group that is going to be graduating this Spring, so it will give me a few months to prepare with another group. He thought that it would be good for the group too, since I've already actually practiced law."

"Did he say anything else?"

"We talked for a little bit about my background because he was curious for the need to study and the reason behind my moving."

"Sounds like everything is going well."

"It is."

"Good." Harm says walking to the office to drop off his things before going upstairs to change into his civies.

When he walks out of the bathroom, his wife is sitting on the bed with a curious glare on her face.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I'm just about to ask you the same thing. What's up flyboy?" she then asks, patting the bed next to her for him to sit down.

"There's just a lot going on at work, and I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I keep trying to go in earlier and earlier every day to catch up with things, but it isn't working."

"Okay… so stay a little later a few nights too."

"I'm not doing that to us." He says, shaking his head.

"Harm, you and I used to work well into the evening when we were working at JAG as senior officers. You now have your own command. It is bound to be more work from time to time and I get that." She replies, placing her hand on his shoulder and trying to reassure him.

"I just don't know if I can do this at all. It is a lot."

"Then plan it all out… I know that this isn't going to sound too appealing, but why don't you take Saturday to go in. There won't be a lot of people there, and you can set things out to prioritize. Then do a little work and I'll come grab you for lunch. If you're done for the day, we go home, and if you're not, then we go back to your office and see what I can help you with."

"Mac, you can't."

"Who is going to know?"

"I will…. But I do like your idea, as long as you don't mind."

"Harm, I was the one who suggested it. Get caught up, and get yourself straight now that you've been in for a while. You keep forgetting that you have only done this for a few months. You think that AJ Chegwidden just walked in on his first day as the JAG and all was rosy and laid out for him?"

He sits there for a minute after listening to her speech and the next words that come out of his mouth are words that she certainly wasn't expecting.

"We should have gone to San Diego. You should have your own command and I should be fishing. You have such an amazing sense of leadership and you were such a good Chief of Staff when we were at JAG. Mac, you were meant for something like this."

"No…. I was meant for you and I was good at the other, and I couldn't have both, so I chose you."

He places his face in his hands and shrugs his shoulders like a lost little boy for a few minutes before finally looking up to meet her eyes.

"I'm just frustrated."

"Why don't you skip the doctor on Thursday then?"

"No. That I won't do."

"It is probably going to be a lot of talking and boring stuff anyway. I'm not pregnant yet, so there isn't anything fun to see. In fact you'll have to be out of the room for part of the exam anyway."

"I'm going to be there because I have plenty of questions to ask her as well."

Her eyes sparkle at this, knowing that he is as committed to this idea as she is. It is a great feeling knowing that the man you love can love you that much in return, and with that statement she leans in to kiss him.

They stay there for a while, letting it take its natural course for the evening until her stomach loudly grumbles.

"You know, between your stomach and the time clock thing, I think you could probably work as an atomic clock somewhere. That has to serve a purpose in some way, right?"

"I'll serve my purpose right here." She says, sitting up in bed and grabbing the robe behind the bedroom door as she walks down to the kitchen for delivery menus.

"What looks good?" he asks, looking over her shoulder.

"Everything. However, if we are eating well there are only a few things that I would consider on this particular menu."

"Then why don't you order food, and while you're doing that and getting the table ready, I'm going to sit down and make a to do list for the morning to see if I can salvage some of our Saturday as well."

"Sounds like a great plan. While you're working on that, I'm going to start that new book Jenna lent me today, so I'll be in the living room when you're done."

Later in the week, the couple sat in the waiting room at the hospital waiting to be called in to see the doctor Mac saw after her miscarriage. Her leg wouldn't stop bouncing and he couldn't stop giving her in depth descriptions of various plane motors, so to say they were nervous was a great understatement.

"Captain and Mrs. Rabb?"

They both stand up, both of them a little shaky at the idea of even going to the doctor.

Sitting in the small room after Mac takes off her clothes and puts the gown on, she starts to shiver a bit while they wait in the cold.

"I know why they keep doctor's offices so cold, but you would think that they wouldn't make you wait as long when you have to strip down to nothing." Mac says and Harm comes up next to her as she sits on the table and starts to rub her arms to keep out the chill.

"I'm sure that it won't be that long, so we just have to wait."

He calls it right before the doctor knocks on the door to announce that she's coming in.

"Mrs. Rabb, I'm glad to see you again." She says sitting down with a smile. "I assume you are her husband?"

"Harmon Rabb, ma'am." He says, extending his hand to her in a handshake.

"Okay, well, why don't I have Harmon step out into the hall for a moment so I can do an internal exam to check some things out and then he can come back in for the ultrasound and for a little chat?"

Mac nods and Harm walks out into the hall after a quick squeeze to her hand.

A few minutes later the doctor takes her gloves off and tells Mac to sit up on the bed so they can talk about what she sees.

"I told you before that I didn't agree with the doctor at Bethesda and I don't. I do believe that you may have a harder time conceiving because of your endometriosis, but as I said before, you have already proven to me that you can get pregnant. I think that your chances of getting pregnant are actually pretty good. The scarring isn't nearly as bad as the report that was sent to me, which leads me to believe that the surgery was more successful after you healed for a while or the doctor was just being overly cautious in her estimate. How are the birth control pills doing? Have you had any spotting or anything abnormal from using them?"

"No, I've actually been fine where that area is concerned."

"Because of the scarring I have to ask if you feel any pain during your period, sex, anything like that?"

"No."

"Then I'm optimistic. So what do you want to do next?" she asks and lets a moment pass between the two of them first.

"I want to go off the pill, but we don't want to be put on a schedule or do anything different than what we are doing. At least for now, we want to let nature run its course."

"Okay, I am fine with that idea, but I would like you to start taking prenatal vitamins once you go off the pill." The doctor says, pulling out a prescription pad to make sure that Mac got the recommended kind of vitamins for her condition.

"I already decided that. Our only other concern is what else I can do to make sure that if or when I get pregnant, the baby has a good chance. I don't want to be one of those women who wait on bated breath to take a test every few weeks. I can't do that to myself. I'm just worried about not knowing that I'm pregnant and doing something to harm the baby."

"The prenatal vitamins will already set a good foundation for a pregnancy. Making sure that you eat right or making sure that you are exercising and keeping yourself healthy is the only other thing that you can do."

Harm looks at his wife for a moment, knowing that they had already taken the steps to make sure that they were doing just that. "What about me? Is there anything that I should be doing to help with either Mac or… well…"

"Your little guys?" the doctor says with an amused chuckle at Harm's embarrassment before continuing,

"I think that we have proven that you have no problem getting Sarah pregnant. It couldn't hurt for you to do some of the same things with the eating right and the exercise. The healthier the two of you are, the healthier your cells are."

"So, what do we do then?" Mac asks, not knowing exactly how to finish the conversation.

"I want you to go off the pill now, and you should wait a month before actually trying or 'not trying' in your case. Reinforcements from the husband are going to have to prevent anything this month, and then you guys can go without a net after that. I have written you a prescription for the prenatal vitamins I think are best, so fill that as soon as you can. In six months, pregnant or not, I would like to see the two of you again just so I can keep an eye on the scarring and make sure that it isn't progressing."

"If it is?"

"Then we may have to try a little harder or look into some fertility options because your window of opportunity might be closing sooner rather than later. But, as I said before, I'm very optimistic that you guys are going to be successful at conceiving again."

"Okay, thank you." Harm says standing up and watching Mac do the same.

When they get to the car, they don't really know what to say to each other. It was like a big step that they were about to take and they didn't really know how to react to it.

"So this is happening?" she asks him after they've been driving for a few minutes.

"In a month or so, and after we talk to Dr. Miller about it."

"What did you think about Dr. Lightfoot?"

"I liked her. She seemed down to earth and she was no nonsense about the whole thing. I like that we were able to call the shots and explain to her what we wanted to do."

"I thought that was good too."

"So, you're feeling okay about all of this."

She turns to him and smiles, leaning in while they are waiting at a stop light to kiss him. When the horn behind them blows, they realize that they've been caught at the green light.


	17. Nervous

**Author's Note: I have thought long and hard about how I want the next few chapters to go, and have really struggled with the different ideas I came up with. The person who inspired me to write this fanfic had some rules that I must abide by, so I need to stick to them. I'm also wary of writing a "wedding scene"... those always bother me... like a lot. So we shall see what will happen with this story and all that jazz. Review if you would like and let me know your thoughts!**

"Okay, why am I nervous?" Mac says, standing near baggage claim at O'Hare waiting for Harriet and Bud to come down from their flight.

"We haven't seen them in a while, and they haven't seen us married… Bud and Harriet knew us from the beginning. Bud saw it when we met for the first time. We've seen the two of them get together, get married, and have… how many kids do they have now?" he says, laughing at the last part as she rolls her eyes at him.

"You're horrible."

"I'm just saying… two weeks from now, you and I are going to let loose and we could probably get some pointers from these two."

"I would agree." She says with a light in her eye that had come back some weeks ago after Dr. Miller had talked to them about the idea of starting a family.

He agreed that the way they were proposing on trying was perfect for the two of them. They were certainly ready for a baby and to be a family, but still had their own past issues to work through. In his words though, they were working together and going to be just fine.

"Colonel, Captain!" they hear Bud cry from across the way a bit.

"Bud!" Harm says, seeing his friend for the first time in some months and pulling him in for a few pats on the back.

"Harriet!" Mac says, smiling at the blonde and kissing her cheek before embracing her.

"It's so good to see you guys, and it is so good to have a vacation!" Harriet says with a sigh after the boys offer to go to the baggage claim to get their bags.

"Vacation? You and Jenna have this elaborate party planned for the two of us and you consider that a vacation?"

"I do. It doesn't involve any bodily fluids that don't belong to me, it doesn't involve getting up early, and it involves actual grown ups having actual conversations. This is vacation."

Mac smiles then, knowing that her friend did love being able to do these kind of things.

"You look amazing, by the way! Married life apparently suits you."

"We've had our moments, but it's the happiest I've ever been."

"Well it shows."

"Got 'em! Let's head out before rush hour hits." Harm says, as he and Bud come back from grabbing their bags.

On the ride home they caught up about the kids and what was going on at JAG in their absence. Since all of JAG couldn't shut down for a reception, Jen and Sturgis were the only other JAG members coming for the party. They planned on doing some sightseeing with Harriet and Bud before the weekend though, when everyone else was coming in.

"So what is the order of arrivals?"

"Harm's parents are getting in on Friday afternoon, Chloe is coming in that evening just an hour before the Admiral gets in. Then Saturday morning, Sturgis and Jen should be here. I think that Keeter is coming and some of Harm's academy buddies. We don't really have a whole bunch of people, so this is why we chose to do it where we did." Mac says, referring to the restaurant downtown where they were having their reception.

"From what Jenna has told me the place is really neat." Harriet adds, nodding her head.

"It really is. It isn't the typical reception hall and has all these connecting rooms and bars so people can just stay in their own area, go to the central dj area, or mingle with other parties. It should be fun." Mac agrees glad that she had Jenna and Harriet to help plan the event.

"I just can't believe you guys got married!" Bud exclaims and Harm and Mac take the moment to exchange a look.

"I told you that they would figure it out eventually." Harriet says with a knowing look to her husband.

"But it's the Colonel and the Captain!"

"Which reminds me Bud… Mac isn't a Marine anymore and I'm not in your chain of command, nor are we actually going to be on base. You need to actually call us by our names." Harm says pointing his finger to the back seat and catching Bud's eyes in the rearview mirror.

"I'll be sure to work on that." Bud answers with a blush.

They pull up to the house and Harriet is immediately drawn to the porch where Mac has redone the original furniture outside and put a few different touches to the area.

"This is so cozy out here! We should put out a sitting area like this on our porch! I would love to sit and read while the kids play in the yard or just sit out by myself after dinner one evening."

"That is the idea. We are thinking that next spring we might see if we can continue it and wrap it around to the back of the house so we can enjoy the yard and everything." Harm adds, and then leads Bud inside to show him their room.

"That sounds great!" Harriet says plopping herself in one of the chairs and telling Mac to come sit beside her. "So, talk to me about everything. How did all of this work out? I know that I have been rooting for it for years, but why the sudden change? We never really got to talk about it, and I never really got to talk to you after you guys moved. At least not face to face."

"It was hard at the beginning because we are both runners and we freak out about the commitment, but we've been talking. We actually… umm… we've been seeing someone about some issues with our past."

"The two of you have been through a lot… together and alone. It doesn't surprise me that you might need some help talking through it." She says, and then squints her eyes in that Harriet way that tells Mac she knows there's more, "I know you, and I know that while we haven't been the best of friends, we've still confided in each other and trust each other. There's more, isn't there?"

"I had a miscarriage right after we got married. We didn't even know that I was pregnant, and I never thought that I could get pregnant. Harm was away doing that JAG investigation for the General and I ended up turning to the drinking again." Mac tells her and her eyes go wide but she remains silent, waiting for her friend to continue, "He figured it out after he came home and it all came out. That's when we started seeing the counselor and I've been going to meetings. It has gotten a lot better and he and I have never been closer than we are right now."

"I'm glad that you guys are in such a great place, and I'm sorry for everything that happened. I wish that we could have been there for you guys like you were when we lost baby Sarah."

"That was part of the problem with Harm gone and me by myself. It is actually how I met Jenna and we became so close so quickly. Her husband has a furniture company and we were having it delivered when I had to go to the hospital. He called her to come take me and she stayed to make sure that I was okay and stayed with me a bit in the hospital. She actually reminds me a lot of you at times, so I think that is what drew me to her."

"Aside from all that… seriously… what were you guys thinking?" Harriet says with a laugh. "I mean, like I told Bud in the car. The two of you were meant to be from before even Bud and I were meant to be. You took forever to finally get it together."

"Harm and I had lots of issues that we didn't even realize, but we both admit that we had loved each other long before either of us were remotely willing to admit it to the other or anyone else."

"You know… I could see it in your eyes… the day we were trying on your wedding dress when you were going to marry Commander Brumby, you weren't there. You didn't want him." Harriet says, shaking her head slightly.

"We've talked about that. I think that Harm was right the night he proposed. We both really needed that deadline, and it forced us to come to terms with the fact that we couldn't really even leave each other." Mac replies, knowing that what Harriet said was true, and feeling a surge of happiness when she realized that everyone really was rooting for the two of them.

"Are you ladies coming in anytime soon?" Harm asks, peaking his head out the door at the two women.

"We are. Harriet just wanted some details." Mac says with a quirked brow that suggests enough to make both Harm and Harriet blush.

"Mac!"

"Don't worry, I didn't tell her anything juicy." She counters, standing up and giving him a brief kiss before walking past him into the kitchen.

The couples continue to catch up on all the happenings at JAG and with the kids, and Harm is lying if he says he doesn't miss everything that they are talking about. Bud and Harriet were always there and it was hard to realize that they probably wouldn't be a huge part of their life in Chicago. It hit Harm suddenly at dinner that evening, hearing about AJs latest antics and wishing that in a few months time they could be thinking about their own child's future antics. That led him to think about the possibility of the children playing together as if they were cousins, and it made him sad.

"What's eating you?" Mac says that evening as they lay together in bed after a great evening with their friends.

"I miss them. I never realized how close we really were to them until they came here and they knew us… you know? We might not have hung out socially all the time with them or confided in them like we confided in each other, but they know about all the things we've gone through, they knew us when we met, and they've seen us grow together. It was just odd to think that they are probably part of the handful of people that know us best and live half a continent away from us."

"You've been having some trouble lately… the job… everything. Will you talk to me?" She asks, playing with the fine hairs on his chest as she curls a bit closer and cranes her neck so she can see his eyes.

"I told you that I wasn't cut out for the leadership thing. I miss JAG and I miss being a lawyer. It is neat to see new guys coming in and going out from the base, but it wasn't what I had hoped it to be."

"So what do you want?"

"Can I get a rain check on that question?" he asks, squeezing her a little tighter.

"You can… okay… and can I tell you something?" she asks, suddenly nervous.

"Of course."

"I am scared shitless about meeting your mom."

Harm laughs at this, thinking of his cool Marine being so nervous about meeting his mother. This was a woman who hinted about Mac for years and years when they were just friends. She probably knew that he was in love with Mac before he knew he was in love with Mac.

"Mac, she's going to love you, and she really already said that you're perfect for me."

"She did?"

"She's said it for years. My mother is not one that you need to worry about. Let's just focus on our next few days with Bud and Harriet before we even think about the amount of people that are coming to stay with us."

"Your parents are sure they want to stay in a hotel? We can figure something out here."

"Chloe is going to sleep in the room next to Harriet and Bud, and the Admiral will be in the daybed by the upstairs office. She could always sleep on a blow up in the living room though. She even suggested it if we needed the room."

"They insisted, so I'm not worried about it." Harm brushes her concern off, knowing that his mother loves the traveling and would live in a hotel if she could.

"Okay… now have you figured out what you are going to do with Bud tomorrow while we go shopping?"

"I haven't, but I'm thinking about see if he wants to go play a round of golf over in Mundelein."

"That sounds like a great idea. In fact, I think that Matt has the day off as well, if you wanted to include him."

"I'll call in the morning."

"Or, you could just ask Jenna. She'll be here at the crack of dawn because of how excited she is about all this. We're all going out to breakfast and then hitting the shops in search of a dress."

"You are going to be so beautiful." He says, smoothing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"How do you know? I haven't gotten the dress yet." Mac says teasingly.

"Can I confess something else?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sad that I never got that. I never go that moment and neither did you."

"What are you talking about?"

"That moment on your wedding day when you see your bride for the first time and you see your groom for the first time. Part of me wishes that we had done the ceremony." Harm says, totally surprising Mac at his sentimental feelings.

"What if we renewed our vows at the reception?"

"You want to?"

"I don't want anything too crazy, but I'd love to marry you again Harmon Rabb."

"Will you get a wedding dress?"

"To wear for a few hours… we're already married."

"I'll get my dress whites cleaned… with the gold cummerbund. "

She looks up for a moment, her eyes glittering in the moonlight coming in through their bedroom window. Then she kisses him, taking in the man who wants nothing more than to see his wife walk toward him in a wedding dress, the man who wants to have friends around him more than he lets on, the man who loves her as much as she loves him.

"The dress whites sealed the deal… I'll get you your wedding dress Harmon Rabb."


	18. Happy

**Author's Note: Here I am again... working on more fanfic. This is a chapter that was already written, but apparently I hadn't posted it for you all to see. Enjoy! Review if you would like!**

"Okay, how do we go about this?" Mac asks after getting in the car with what were essentially her two best friends, female at least.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how do we go about getting a wedding dress for a woman who is my age and technically already married to the man she is wearing it for?"

"We just go!" Jenna says from the back seat laughing at Mac.

"You know what, Jenna… you should actually be driving. I still don't know my way around."

The two trade places, leaving Mac in the back and Harriet and Jenna up front.

"Leave it to me and I will take you wherever you need to go to get the perfect wedding dress."

An hour later, the two friends are waiting for Mac to come out in the millionth dress she tried on. Who knew that the no nonsense Marine was so particular about dresses? This one seemed to be what she wanted though, a long ivory colored A-line gown that came out just slightly, with a modest but beautiful neckline and lace cap sleeves. It was on the mannequin in the front of the store and it seemed that every time Mac tried on a dress, Jenna or Harriet caught her glimpsing at the dress in the window. It was finally Harriet that went up to the woman and asked her if she could try it on.

When she came out of the fitting room, she blew her bangs out of her face in annoyance because she was sure that the girls' mouth dropped open because she looked hideous.

She turned quickly, "Fine, I'll take it off!" she says with a laugh.

"Oh my God, no! Don't take it off. You need to see yourself!" Jenna screams, running over to her friend and pulling her toward the pedestal.

"You look amazing." Harriet says, remembering the last time she was here with Mac.

When she actually took a moment to look at herself, she finally got that feeling. The feeling she never got when she saw herself with the dress she would marry Mic Brumby in. The feeling that every bit of this moment and this man were perfect. Forget the fact that she had already married him… in her eyes she saw that she was finally happy. Like really happy. It was perfect.

"This is it." She says with finality and the girls smiled at her side.

"Harm is going to flip when he sees you in this. In fact, since we've found the perfect dress, we really need to find the perfect thing to go under it for the evening."

"Guys, you forget that Harm and I are already married. We don't need a wedding night… we didn't even wait 'til our real wedding night. In fact when we come home that night, we come home to a house with our friends, my little sister, and our former C.O. No need." She insists with a laugh.

"Actually, that's not true…. You aren't coming home. We are staying to keep Chloe company that evening and the next day. The Admiral will be there as well, and we splurged to get you a honeymoon suite downtown… complete with a limo to get you there." Jenna says simply before adding, "so lets go to Westfield, because I'm sure that there is a Victoria's Secret there that will have what we are looking for.

"You didn't." Mac says, more of a question than a statement really.

"Actually… the whole evening is a gift from all of us. Harm's parents, Jenna and Matt, me and Bud, everyone at JAG. It's the wedding gift we never got to give you. There's more to it, but that we will not reveal."

"Seriously?"

"I know that Jenna hasn't known the two of you very long, but Bud and I have known you for quite some time now. You helped us through plenty in our marriage and everything else. You were there with Sarah, when Bud lost his leg, you were there for the wedding… Frankly, I've been waiting for you two to get it together so we could repay you in some way. This is it."

Mac turns to look at herself again in the mirror, again realizing that for some reason this was perfect. This was the life she had been meant for.

On the golf course, the boys were having their own set of conversations.

"Then there was this one time when the Commander and the Colonel almost hit a goat and they ended up in a mine field. He almost got blown up, but the Colonel decided to try something she saw on the movies to get him out of the way."

"Something she saw out of a movie? And you are the people defending our country?"

"Hey, you used to be a Navy man yourself there buddy. You can't say that it wasn't a great ride." Harm says, elbowing Matt as they walk to the next hole.

Harm had originally insisted that they get a cart so Bud didn't have to walk as much, but Bud just reminded him that he had come a long way.

"So you and Harriet have known Harm and Mac for a long time… Jenna always says that their story is one for the books. Aside from all the crazy military antics, what are your thoughts?" Matt asks, curious to know a little more about the couple that he and his wife were getting to know.

"I was there when they first met and I knew something was bound to happen. As the years went on, I think with Harriet's influence, I realized that they definitely were perfect for each other. I think that we were all pretty shocked but still totally not surprised when he proposed the night he was promoted. I remember sitting around that table when they handed out their new assignments and thinking about what would become of the dynamic duo. I ran home to Harriet and she told me that maybe this was the push they needed. I think that it wasn't long after that we got the call." Bud said, looking at Harm with a smile when he was finished telling the tale.

"Well, I'm sorry that the two of you had to lose a pair of good friends, but I have to say that Jenna and I are glad that we get to have them." Matt says, smiling as he grabs a tee from his bag and sets up his drive at the next hole.

Harm and Bud stay behind, watching him set his shot and enjoying the fresh air.

"This was a good plan today, sir." Bud says, and Harm scowls at him in response.

"Bud, are you never going to get over that?"

"I probably won't."

"Well, one can hope, right?"

"I don't think I'll ever get over it… That's all I've known you as for 10 years, so I can't help myself."

"Can you help yourself enough to be the best man at my vow renewals on Saturday?"

"That I can do." Bud says with a big grin on his face, "you know, it's actually kind of funny… I was supposed to be Commander Brumby's best man when he was supposed to marry the Colonel, so I guess it is fitting that I'm yours."

It took him all of two seconds to realize what he said after he said it out loud, and his eyes go wide as he looks over at Harm.

"Who's Commander Brumby?" Matt asks innocently.

"Uh… I…" Bud stammers, and Harm laughs in his general direction.

"Sarah's ex-fiance. We will just say that I couldn't stand him and the best thing she ever did was not marry him." Harm states simply, moving aside to set up his first shot for this hole.

"Talk to me Mr. Roberts…" Matt says, already realizing that Bud was a wealth of information where Harm and Mac were concerned. He also quickly realized that he liked to spread the wealth a bit.

"Commander Brumby came to JAG as an exchange officer from Australia. He and the Colonel… Mac… hit it off, much to the Commander… Harm's… dislike. Brumby was kind of full of himself, but he was a nice guy. The night of their wedding rehearsal, the Commander ejected over the Atlantic Ocean and we lost him for a while. The Colonel was very upset, as we all were, and decided to postpone the wedding. I think Commander Brumby realized after that, that she wasn't going to marry him. We all kind of thought it for a while. Even if they were never really together, the only people for them was each other." Bud says, watching Harm at the tee, while trying to summarize Mac's relationship with Brumby.

When Harm walks back over, Bud can't help himself, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't think before what I said."

"Bud, we all lived it. Mac ended up with me and I know that she loves me. We've talked though a lot of what happened with Brumby. We even brought up Australia."

"When the two of you broke my jaw fighting over Colonel MacKenzie?"

They both turn at the sound of Matt laughing off the side, "Seriously, I'm pretty sure that the two of you could be a soap opera."

Later that evening when they settle in after dinner, the three couples are talking around the table munching on some dessert that Jenna brought over for the evening.

"I'm glad that you guys could join us this evening. It has been fun getting to know you." Harriet says, turning to Jenna with a smile.

"You guys think it has been fun for you?! It has been quite the enlightening experience for us! We knew some of the stories, but the two of you confirming some of them and letting us in on more of the drama has made for quite an entertaining day!" Jenna says with a laugh, looking to Matt as he nods in agreement.

"You know, you would think that we were just the entertainment at JAG from the way you guys talk." Mac says, laughing along with her new friend.

"Oh, you two _were_ the entertainment at JAG. Are you kidding me? I think that even the Admiral was waiting for you guys to either kill each other or rip your clothes of in the middle of the bullpen."

"He was NOT!" Harm says with wide eyes, which makes Mac laugh even more.

"I think that the Admiral had a soft spot for the two of you. I bet that he knew that this was going to happen long before we ever did. Didn't he say something before that first case… when you guys met in the Rose Garden and you shook hands… shoot… what did he say?" Bud asks, trying to recollect the memory.

"Don't get too close, you'll be working together." Harm and Mac say at the same time.

"You didn't listen to a single word he said that day. I think by a few weeks later, you guys were already on the way to what you are now." Bud says with a grin.

"Well, that may be the case, but it was still a very rocky road, and we are still trying to get our footing." Harm says with a fond smile.

"I admit that it is a little weird to think of the two of you married. We were so used to stepping on egg shells around you that when you went all in we were ecstatic." Harriet admits, recalling all the times that the two of them were fighting, or when either of them was in a different relationship.

"Now that we're here though, I don't think that either of us realized how perfect it was going to be. We've had our rocky moments already, but when I really think about it, I know that even if we weren't married, we would have been by each other's side regardless." Mac says, honestly believing every word she said.

"That's why it may be a little weird, but at the same time, it's the most natural thing in the world." Harriet says, smiling.


	19. Stuck

**Author's Note: Here is another installment of this lovely fic. It really is my favorite to write, even though it may not be some of your favorite to read. It came from an idea someone gave me and I like that I can keep running with it.**

After a few nights on the town it is Bud and Harm who are tasked with picking up Harm's parents from the airport on Friday afternoon. They figured that Mac would definitely want to get Chloe from the airport, so he would pick up his parents, and Mac and Harriet would go pick up Chloe, wait the hour and grab some food, and then pick up the Admiral while they were there.

Mac and Harriet stayed home working on lunch for the two travelers. She had confessed again to Harm the evening before that she was very nervous about meeting Trish and Frank. She knows that his mom has been saying nice things about her for years and she knows that she has telling Harm that he needed to be with her, but she hasn't ever really spent time with Mac. Naturally, the Marine's fight or flight response was starting to kick in and she was beginning to wonder if this whole this was a good idea.

"I've never seen her like that before." Bud comments as they are driving down the interstate to get Harm's parents.

"She's really nervous about meeting my mom and stepdad. I keep telling her that my mom has been in her corner for years, but she either isn't buying it or she's convinced that Mom will hate her anyways."

"I get that… I was worried when I had to meet Harriet's parents for the first time. Don't you remember that they kept trying to put you with her instead of me? That's why I had tried to avoid the whole encounter, and then you guys had to let it slip that we were going to be in Florida during that one case." Bud reminds him and he smiles. "Why are you smiling?"

"I'm thinking about my gorgeous wife in a bikini."

"Red light sir." Bud says, blushing.

"She's my wife now, Bud… I'm allowed."

"I still can't believe how all this panned out with the two of you. I'm happy for you guys and you seem to be happy with everything here in Chicago."

Harm hesitates before talking to Bud about the issues he was having with the job he was doing, and then realizes that Bud has known him long enough to weigh in with another opinion. "Can I be honest with you Bud?"

"Of course you can, sir."

"Can you promise me that you won't call me sir while we're talking?"

"I'll try my hardest."

"I don't know if I'm cut out for this position. I mean it is a great opportunity, but I don't know if it is what I want to do right now."

Bud nods his head and then turns to Harm suddenly, "You aren't thinking of retiring, are you?"

"The thought has crossed my mind. I don't want to really toy with the idea of it because of Mac though. She gave up the Marines to come to Chicago with me. She misses it and she has told me as much. I know that she has embraced the idea of not being a Marine and using her law degree and experience to do other things, but part of me would always wonder if I cheated her out of the rest of her military career."

"Do you think that she really thinks that?"

"I don't, but I worry that it would turn to that."

"Okay, but… I don't know if Harriet was supposed to talk to me about this, but aren't the two of you trying for a baby soon?" Bud asks, thinking about what he could possibly say to encourage his old friend.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything. When Harriet finally quit, she had a conversation with the Colonel. She had come to the house because she was worried that Harriet would feel the way you described about giving up her Navy career. I don't think that I was supposed to hear any of their conversation, but Harriet said something that I'll never forget. She said that having a child was like conspiring with God on something. You created this tiny little being that would someday do something in the world and it was held inside you for nine months. Now I know that I didn't carry any of our children, but I can tell you this. The second that little cry came out, I was in absolute awe of how every little thing in the universe came together. The Col... Mac wants that family with you. I know that she does, and even if you can't do it on your own, I think that she is going to want that family."

"I hope that I can give that to her."

"I have a feeling that she is thinking the same thing about herself. When we lost Sarah, I know that Harriet blamed herself about the whole thing. I was convinced it was the doctors, and we went to trial about all of it. She thought for so long that it was her fault. No matter what we say, it was a part of them and it will always be more personal for them." he says, and Harm nods his head.

He knew all this, he really did. Hearing it from Bud though, a man that he looked up to where family was concerned, made his heart a little lighter.

"Bud, do you think Mac and I can handle all of this?"

"What?"

"The marriage, the kids... all that."

"You're kidding, right?"

Harm shrugs his shoulder in a small gesture that proved his insecurities.

"Forgive my language, but with all the crap the two of you have survived, I feel like marriage is the least of your concerns."

"You may be right." He laughs and they finish their ride to the airport.

Just as he is making his second trip around the arrivals terminal, his cell phone rings.

"Mom! Are you guys landed?"

"_We are, and we are waiting for you outside. We're by the last pole for terminal two if that helps you any."_

"it does… we are just finishing the circle now, so we will be there in a bit. Stay on with me… how was your flight?"

"_It was fine for the most part. There was a young child onboard who kept me occupied the entire flight. He was sitting across the aisle from us and couldn't stop babbling my way."_

"So you guys didn't get any sleep on the plane?"

"_No, but we are fine dear, we aren't that old."_

Harm laughs for a moment, "Mom, I wasn't suggesting that, I was just making sure that you were well rested for the rest of the day. In fact, I think I see you now and you look wonderful!"

He parks the car and quickly makes his way to his mother and Frank, grabbing the bags after quick hugs. "We've got to get back in the car fairly quick, or they start yelling at you." He shrugs, opening the back door for his mother who frowns at the front seat passenger.

"Where's Mac?"

"She and Harriet are going to be the ones who go pick up Chloe and the Admiral later this evening, so we decided to take turns."

"How far are the two of you from the airport?"

"About 40-45 minutes. It isn't too bad though since it's a straight shot home."

"Well lead the way! I need to see this bride of yours." His mother says with a grin that makes him understand why Mac was nervous about meeting her.

They make small talk in the car, focusing mostly on how they got settled into the new house and talking about Harm's new command position. They skirted around Harm and Mac and all that came with it, which Harm found interesting. Pulling up to the house, his mother couldn't help but mention how perfect it was to raise a family in.

"We know, mom." Harm says, shaking his head and looking to Bud with a grin.

Opening the garage door, he shouts out to the girls, "Mac, Harriet, we're back!"

They don't hear anything in return, which confuses all parties involved. It isn't until Harriet comes running down the stairs in a huff that they even know someone is in the house.

"Oh!" she squeals, seeing them standing in the kitchen as she goes to grab the phone of the counter.

"Harriet, is everything okay?"

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah, it's fine."

"Honey?" Bud asks, a little concerned at her darting eyes.

"Mac is stuck."

"Stuck?" Harm asks, starting to make his way towards the stairs.

"Sir, you can't!"

"Harriet, what's going on?"

She blows the bangs out of her face and looks to her audience with a sigh before explaining the situation, "We got Mac's wedding dress today and she just wanted to try it on to doubly make sure that it was going to be okay for everything. We pulled up the zipper and got it caught on part of the dress and now she's stuck. I was going to call Jenna and see if she could help."

"I can get…" Harm starts, not wanting his wife in any undue distress after the last few months they've had.

"No, you can't see her!" Harriet says with a 'duh' expression on her face.

"Harriet, we're already married."

"I know, it's just…."

"Don't worry darling, I'll help your lovely bride. I've gotten zippers stuck on dresses plenty of times. I'm sure that we can figure it out." Trish says, patting Harm on the shoulder as she walks past him and makes her way towards the stairs like she had been coming to visit for years.

"Oh…. Okay." Harriet says, knowing that her friend had been going on and on about how nervous she was about meeting Harm's mom for the first time.

They make their way upstairs and it is Trish who walks in the door first.

Before Mac can turn around, she says "Oh my gosh, please tell me she's coming over right now… I can't meet Harm's mom looking like this!"

"I personally think you look beautiful." His mother says with a grin.

Mac turns toward the unfamiliar voice and smiles with a blush on her face.

"Mrs. Burnett."

"Oh honey, don't call me that. Call me mom or call me Trish. Now turn around so we can get you out of this dress. It is beautiful Sarah."

"Thank you." She says, turning back around and internally screaming at the circumstances.

After a few yanks and tugs on the fabric, they were able to get the zipper to start working again, much to the happiness of the bride.

"Looks like you're all set. Now I'm going to join everyone else downstairs while you get changed. I'm sure that you and I will have plenty of time to chat on our way to the airport." She says, fully aware of what Harm had said in the car about Mac and Harriet driving to pick up Chloe and the Admiral.

"Oh, you don't have to come! Harriet and I were just going to swing by."

"Well, why don't we let the couple go to dinner on their own. From what Harm has told me, she's been doing a lot to get this party together. Maybe she could use a wedding break and you and I can get better acquainted."

The internal screaming started again when she said that.

"Sounds good." Mac says with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

When it took Mac a little longer than what he thought was normal, Harm decided to check on her upstairs while the Roberts were grilling Harm's mom for tales of his youth.

He finds her sitting on the bed, staring off at some unknown location. "What's wrong?"

"The first time I meet the woman, I'm stuck in a wedding dress." She says with a sigh.

"Mac, look at me." He says, grabbing her hands and looking her in the eye. "You are the only woman for me and have been for the better part of this decade. My mother has known that and told me that very statement for years. Don't question my love for you and my faith in us by thinking that my mother is going to think anything short of you being absolutely perfect in every way."

"Harm, I'm far from perfect." She says, shrugging it off, "Oh my gosh, does she know about everything?"

"Everything meaning what?"

"The baby and the drinking… oh my gosh does she know I'm an alcoholic?" She starts, realizing that the poor woman could know nothing about her and her past.

"Mac! Slow down! My mom does know about your past, which she said was a feat to overcome. That's one of the reasons why she thought you were perfect for me… you overcame a crappy situation and rose to the top despite everything working against you."

"She wants to drive with me to the airport…. Alone."

"You can't avoid her forever, Sarah." He says, with a smile.

She returns the smile and thinks to herself how pathetic she sounded with this complaining. "I can't believe I'm freaking out this much about this."

"You know why, don't you?"

She quirks a brow in his direction and he gives the answer quite simply, "because it's right."

"What do you mean?"

"I know that we aren't trying to bring up the past, but I remember you and your wedding to Brumby. You weren't the slightest bit phased about anything that went on in the planning of that. You just slipped in casually to it… even your engagement."

"In the back of my head, I knew it wasn't for keeps."

"Exactly." He says, and she scoots closer to him on the bed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I love you."

"I love you too Sarah Rabb."

"You know, Harmon, it's rude to have guests and leave them downstairs by themselves. I thought I taught you better than that." Trish says, startling the pair. "Besides, I want a proper tour of this beautiful home. Mac, you did a fantastic job getting it all together while he was away. I just love all of it!"

Harm gives his wife a knowing look before the pair gets off the bed and starts the upstairs tour for his mother.


End file.
